Front Row

I know he's blood
But you can still turn him away
You don't owe him anything

Do you go to the dungeon
To find out how to make peace
With your days in the dungeon?

Writing a letter to you
Didn't make me feel any more peaceful
Than how I felt when we weren't speaking

Because I didn't cop to what I did
I can't love you 'cause we're supposed
To have professional boundaries

I'd like you to be schooled and in awe
As though you were kissed by God
Full on the lips

I'm in the front row
The front row with popcorn
I get to see you, see you close up
I'm too tired to recount the unpleasantries one by one
One minute I want to banish you, the next I want to be
On a deserted island with you along with my three favourite
Cd's, ambivalent yet in your bed
We've yet to acknowledge what really happened

Slid into the ditch
I have this overwhelming loss of ambition
We said
Let's name thirty good reasons
Why we shouldn't be together
I started by saying things like
You smoke
You live in New Jersey (too far)
You started saying things like
You belong to the world
All of which could have been easily refuted
But the conversation was hypothetical
I am totally short of breath for you
Why can't you shut your stuff off?

I'm in the front row
The front row with popcorn
I get to see you, see you close up
And I laughed until my lungs hurt
I love how you bust my chops
You don't always feel seen
Sometimes you feel erasable
Unfortunately I cannot reciprocate in my current state
I think we should be careful of how much time we spend together

For a while I'm speaking
You know how much you hate to be interrupted
Maybe spend some time alone
Fill up your proverbial cup
So that it doesn't always have to be about you

I've been wanting your undivided attention
I like the fact that you're nothing like me
Are you not burdoned
By the lack of perspective people
Have of your charmed life (seemingly)?

I'm in the front row
The front row with popcorn
I get to see you, see you close up
You never meant to be ungrateful nor held up to be whipped or wept
For certainly not analysed, prodded at more ways than one
Apparently you've been mispresented dealing with the concept
Of arrows being slung towards your outrageous fortune

Hey I'm not mad at you, guardian
I'm mad at myself for spending so much time
With you and your jeckyl and hydeness
I'm glad I figuratively slapped you on the wrist
You laughed a wicked laugh and said
Come here, let me clip your wings
I know he's blood, but you can still turn him away
You don't owe him anything
Raise the roof, he yelled
Yeah, raise the roof, I yelled back
Unfortunately you need a health scare
To reprioritize
No, thanks to the soap box
Having me rile against them
Won't make an ounce of difference

I'm in the front row
The front row with popcorn
I get to see you see you close up
Oh, the things I've done for you, many a stich, a friend
A man's been left for you, oh the books I've read for you
The tongues I've bitten for you
Many a new city for you, many a risk taken for you
Not a single regret