Expectations

I keep on having this dream where I'm seventeen
Slipping through the cafeteria trying not to be seen
I see my brother, he's sitting there with some kids
He smiles at me and waves, I fake a smile and sit
Down at the table, but something's off and I know it
'Cause when I try and say something nobody seems to take notice
I kinda like it, but then I start to feel strange
Like the time I went on Amazon to buy myself a date

When did things get pixelated?
I can't keep my concentration
I've lost my imagination
To such great expectations

All the things that I never said
They keep crawling back to me
All the things that I never did
They still haunt me in my dreams
All the years I've spent
All the lives I've faked
Just to keep myself protected
From all the things that I never said

I keep a Rolodex inside of my head of all the times I had a chance to just be honest, instead
I made a joke to changed the subject because my confidence said
"Hey, listen, if you mess this up, they're gonna judge you, my friend!"
I'm living in a state of pure paralysis, see
I like to think, think, think, but my action is weak
My interaction is bleak, if life's a herd, I'm a sheep
Guess I'm not really that much different than at age seventeen

When did things get pixelated?
I can't keep my concentration
I've lost my imagination
To such great expectations

All the things that I never said
They keep crawling back to me
All the things that I never did
They still haunt me in my dreams
All the years I've spent
All the lives I've faked
Just to keep myself protected
From all the things that I never said

All of the things we wish we said
They drag me down until I'm dead
You say the best is yet to come
Can anyone figure out what's wrong with us?

All the things that I never said
They keep crawling back to me
All the things that I never did
They still haunt me in my dreams
All the years I've spent
All the lives I've faked
Just to keep myself protected
From all the things that I never said