Straight White Man

Guys, I got a lot of problems in my life
I wrote a song about some of the problems in my life
Hope that some of you can relate to it
Here we go

Walking around
I got no one to talk to
There's everyone
And then there's just me
If I could change
Don't you think that I'd do it?
God only knows
Why he cursed me to be
A straight white man

I state my problems
Other people roll their eyes
Three trips to the mall
Zero khakis in my size
I've never been the victim
Of a random search for drugs
But you can't say
My life is easy
Until you've walked a mile in my UGGs

Straight white man
I know the road looks tough ahead
The women want rights
The gays want kids (what?)
Can't you just leave us alone?
And also no to the things you asked for
(They're being greedy
And they know it, okay?)

Everyone thinks that I've got it easy
Just 'cause it's true
Doesn't mean that it's right
So pull up a chair
And put down your pitchforks
Give me a chance
To show you what it is like
To be a straight white man

The churches never made me
Feel ashamed of who I am
But I get emails from Zappos
That Gmail doesn't mark as spam
My country's constitution
Was hand-written by my race
But my wife bought me
The brand new iPhone
With an iPod touch's case
(Case doesn't fit that phone)

Straight white man
I know the road looks tough ahead
The women want rights
The blacks want
Not to be called the blacks (sorry)
Can't you just leave us alone?
And also no to the things you asked for

Straight white man
Knows the road looks tough ahead
The women want rights
The African Ameri-
It doesn't work with the rhythm
We used to have all the money and land
And we still do
But it's not as fun now