understand

Girl, I hope you understand, I wanted to hold your hand
But I can't, wanted to be your man back then

And you knew I fell for you but you just broke my heart in two
I was sad, mad, and broken on my bed
Hoping I get rid of all the voices in my head

I was opening a packet of an undeveloped med
When I was met with a prescription of a bullet made of lead
And when I woke up in an hour in a pool of my own sweat
I said: I swear to God I'll never even try to sleep again
So instead I took my pen and started writing evidence
And when I started making sense
I found that I had reached the end
Oh, I'm upset, I have no friends
You wanna bet you're just pretend?
You're just a pet confined within the lines of writing
You're not shit
I thought I stopped my psychopathic ways, I swear I did
I said I'd talk to people 'bout the problematic life I lived
They were my neighbors, razor blades
And different flavored pills I hit
Therefore I'm at surely my last straw
I'm so gassed, stuck in the past, I said that

Girl, I hope you understand, I wanted to hold your hand
But I can't, wanted to be your man back then

And so far I never held you with my arms
So it's hard to be the one you aren't
With instead filled with anxiety
Always was a part of me, guess I'm not cut out to be

Somebody 'cause it's not me, I'm not used to all the talking
Was an introvert that had converted feelings into writing
Used to cope with all my problems using notes and lots of rhyming
Used to hope for better days whenever nights would have me crying
I'm not lying when I say that I would rather die than go back
To the times I would try and be the guy the people know
As always fighting with the demons hiding far behind my eyelids
On an island full of violence, in my head I had two pilots
Oh, the Sun don't shine and skies turn grey
I feel it coursing through my veins
I've said before I'm not okay
But you don't listen anyway
You know I tried, you turned away
You straight up lied right to my face
You fucked my life, ruined my day
But you don't know, so I'll say

Nothing can fill this silence, no one can love like I did
(You don't know, so I'll say)
Nobody cares, you lied, it's no fair, you still deny it
(So I'll say)
Nothing can fill this silence, no one can love like I did
(You don't know, so I'll say)
Nobody cares, you lied, it's no fair, you still deny it
(So I'll say)

Girl, I hope you understand, I wanted to hold your hand
But I can't, wanted to be your man back then

And too bad I know I can't wake up because I lost my way
And you don't give a fuck about me, this could be a dream
I can't see the things that you see, so please, oh

Girl, I hope you understand, I wanted to hold your hand
But I can't, wanted to be your man back then

And you had known and played along
You were my home, I wrote you songs
Now you're dead to me, effectively
Removed yourself outside my dreams