死んでしまいたい、(Shinde Shimaitai)

Centimilimental's song 'Shinde Shimaitai' (死んでしまいたい) delves into the profound and often painful struggle of living with intense emotional turmoil. The lyrics paint a vivid picture of a person grappling with the desire to end their life, yet finding themselves unable to do so. The repetition of the phrase '死んでしまいたい' (I want to die) underscores the depth of their despair, while the acknowledgment that they 'can't die' reveals an internal conflict that keeps them tethered to life despite their suffering.

The song's opening lines compare the protagonist's life to a pile of garbage that they can't discard, symbolizing the accumulation of emotional baggage and unresolved issues. This metaphor highlights the feeling of being trapped in a life that feels worthless and burdensome. The lyrics also touch on the shattering of deeply held beliefs and the destruction of the 'pillar of the heart,' which represents the loss of hope and the crumbling of one's emotional foundation.

Despite the overwhelming desire to escape the pain through death, the protagonist admits to a fear of pain and suffering, both in life and in the act of dying. This paradox is further explored in the lines where they express a desire to live and be close to someone they care about, yet simultaneously feel an intense emotional pain that makes them want to escape. The song captures the essence of this internal battle, where the desire for connection and the fear of pain coexist with the longing for release from suffering.

Ultimately, 'Shinde Shimaitai' is a poignant exploration of the human condition, highlighting the complexities of mental health and the struggle to find meaning and solace in a world that often feels overwhelmingly painful. The song's raw and honest portrayal of these emotions resonates deeply with listeners, offering a glimpse into the heart of someone battling with the darkest aspects of their psyche.