Hard To Be The Bard

My days are so busy it's making me dizzy
There's so much I gotta do
There's lunches and meetings and poetry readings

And endless interviews
Gotta pose for a portrait
And how I deplore sitting there for eternity
Then it's off to the inn
Where my innkeeper friend

Wants to name a drink after me
Then it's back to my room, where I resume
My attempt to write a hit
Just me and my beer and the terrible fear
That I might be losing it

And it's hard
It's hard
It's hard
It's hard
It's really hard
So very very hard
It's really hard
Very very hard

I make it look easy but honey believe me
It's hard
It's hard
It's hard
It's hard

It's so incredibly hard
So inconceivably, unbelievably hard
It's hard to be the bard
Honestly, I don't know how I do it
There's only so much of me to go around

I've got so many fans
With so many demands
I can hardly go take a piss
He can't pee
Be it theater-freak or
The autograph-seeker

They all want a piece of this
Gimme, gimme
It's a cross that I bear
I'm like Jesus, I swear
It's a burden but I suffer through it

He is suffering
It's all part of the game
The trappings of fame
But somebody's gotta do it
So he does it

And I know, I know, I gotta go
And get back to my pen and ink
Oh don't make me do it
Don't make me go through it
Can somebody get me a drink

'Cause it's hard
It's hard
It's hard
It's hard
It's really really hard
It's sexy but it's hard
It's really hard
Sexy but it's hard
This bar that I'm
Raising to be this amazing

It's hard
It's hard
It's hard
It's hard

It's so annoyingly hard
So unavoidably, unenjoyably hard
It's hard to be the bard, baby
I know writing made me famous
But being famous is just so much more fun
You see what people just don't understand

Is that writing's demanding
It's mentally challenging and it's a bore
It's such a chore
To sit in a room by yourself
Oh my God, I just hate it
And you're trying to find

An opening line or a brilliant idea
And you're pacing the floor
And hoping for just a bit of divine intervention
That one little nugget that one little spark
Then eureka! You find it you're ready to start

So now you can write, right? Wrong!
You're not even close, you remember that damn it
Your play's gotta be in iambic pentameter!
So you write down a word but it's not the right word
So you try a new word but you hate the new word
And you need a good word but you can't find the word
Oh where is it, what is it, what is it, where is it!
Blah-blah-blah, ha ha, ah-ha -ugh

Sir
Hello
You asked for information on what nicholas bottom is writing
Our spy is here with the news
Did he see me losing it?
He's half blind, sir
Oh, good
Then he only saw half of it
You see what I did? Ha ha
Speak, man
What news?

I saw nick bottom, I did
He paid a soothsayer to foresee
What shakespeare's greatest play would be
That sneaky little thief
Why doesn't he come up with his own ideas?

It's hard
No, it is, isn't it?
It's really the worst
It's hard
Makes me wonder why I didn't think of that first
It's hard
Hard to alleviate the pressure to create
It's hard
Hard to do something as good as the last thing I did
That was already great
It's hard
It's hard

So hard that he is stealing from the bard
Well I'll hoist him by his petard
All I need is a clever disguise
Clever disguise
I'll make him pay for those devious lies
Devious lies
Let him do all the tedious stuff

The work that's terribly and unbearably hard
Alright nick bottom
I think shakespeare needs to find out
What shakespeare's next big hit will be

'Cause it's hard
It's totally hard
It's hard
It's totally hard
It's hard
It's totally hard
I've got fortune and fame
Everyone knows my name
I can't help it if it's so freakin' hard