Girl I Used To Be

CIL's song "Girl I Used To Be" is a poignant exploration of self-destruction, emotional pain, and the desire for liberation. The lyrics paint a vivid picture of a young woman who has sacrificed her happiness and well-being in pursuit of an unattainable standard of beauty. The opening lines, "I'm sick of counting on my ribs / Hollowed cheeks, I'm paper thin," highlight the physical toll of this pursuit, emphasizing the emptiness and fragility that come with it. The metaphor of being "paper thin" suggests not only physical frailty but also emotional vulnerability.

As the song progresses, the narrative shifts to a more somber tone, reflecting on the cumulative effects of this self-destructive behavior. The lines "I'm buried checking off the days / Young and yet my body aches" convey a sense of exhaustion and resignation. The protagonist acknowledges that she can no longer continue living this way, signaling a turning point in her journey. The imagery of laying her down in a "bed of roses" and ensuring her "lace dress fits" evokes a sense of finality and peace, as if preparing for a funeral. This metaphorical death represents the end of her suffering and the beginning of a new chapter.

The chorus, with its gentle and melancholic melody, serves as a farewell to the past self. The repeated lines "Sing something soft and slow / A song that she used to know" suggest a longing for comfort and familiarity in the face of change. The mention of her mother and the boy she used to love adds layers of personal history and unresolved emotions. Ultimately, the song is a cathartic release, urging listeners to let go of their pain and embrace the possibility of renewal. The final lines, "No need to cry for the girl I used to be," encapsulate the essence of the song—a bittersweet goodbye to a troubled past and a hopeful step towards a brighter future.