Suffocating

At first I couldn’t breathe
Now I'm suffocating
Maybe the pressure from the fame isn’t worth what I'm chasing
I used to say Gods playing now the Devils on my team acting foul and it’s all flagrant

Trynna push me off this path that I'm steady paving
Sin is the currency and I'm everyday I'm making payments
I don’t wanna live in it but I heard a saying
Good knows evil cause the houses are both adjacent
I don’t know if I should go for these goals
I’ve seen people gain the world but lose their souls

My anxiety is building as the weight of it grows I seclude myself in privacy
Inside of my home
And I barely answer and calls and when I see my phone
I'm reminded that the real feeling of being alone is having millions who love you
But can leave you or say that they hate at the moment they don’t fuck with a song

I used to laugh it off
Now I hold my breath and suffocate
Then I sit and wait
Just to see if I can kill the hate
And as I'm fleeting I see God at the heavens gates
Then come back down to fight another day
Then I grab that same phone and smile and wave
And pour my empty heart in to a song that they won’t praise
They say patience is the key
But they didn’t tell me while I wait I’d be locked inside a steel cage

Something's wrong
I feel claustrophobic
I'm stuck living in the past
And not the moment
Or the future where my life is only more broken
Cause those wounds from the past are still open
I take sips of love an every single time it’s poison
I see women who can’t see past my employment

Or see me as enjoyment so I can’t enjoy it
Cause The rides temporary and they leave once they crash and destroy it
I don’t think this life is healthy, why didn’t anybody tell me
Everybody would want help but nobody would wanna help me I'm an ATM
A therapist, an everybody’s friendly and they hide their real intentions
But my mind won’t let me

If I make a sad song, don’t ask me if I'm happy
Fuck a hook, my pain isn’t catchy
If you relate you or worse feel badly
Fucking pity me at least and check in if you at me
That’s the only way I know who it touches
That’s why I stay awake and answer DM’s by hundreds
So I don’t lose myself and fill my stomach with the

Feeling here just to suffocate for nothing
If you know real pain then you see it when you look me in my eyes
I try to hide it but they do not lie
I wanna sleep but If I try
The demons who creep and dreams will collide
So I stay up and stare at the ceiling
And ask myself if I should even share these feelings
Then I hear a voice in the distance from ghost like image
Say my pain could be somebody's healing

So I close my eyes
And drift to the place that inspires these lyrics
And as I see flames and I scream
I pray it’s a place you’ll never have to visit