Arose

If I could rewind time like a tape, inside a boombox
One day for every pill, or percocet that I ate
Cut down on the valium, that'll hurt everything
But death is turning so definite, wait
They got me all hooked up to some machine
I love you, being, didn't want you to know I was struggling
Feels like I'm underwater submerged like a submarine
Just heard that nurse say, my liver and kidneys aren't functioning

Been flirtatious with death, skirt-chasing, I guess
It's arrivederci, same nurse, just heard say they're unplugging me
And it's your birthday, Jade, I'm missing your birthday
Baby girl, I'm sorry, I fucking hate when you hurt, Hai
And sweeties, thank you for waiting to open gifts
But, girls, you can just open 'em, dad ain't making it home for Christmas
Wish I had the strength to just blow a kiss

I go to make a fist, but I can't make one, I'm frozen stiff
I yell, but nothing comes out, I'm crying inside, I shout
My vocal cords won't permit me, I scream, but it's not allowed
You put your arm around mama, the karma, wow
I just thought about the aisle, I'll never get to walk us down
Never see you, graduate in your caps and gowns
It's 'bout to be 2008, how's this happening now?

I've got so much more to do, and Proof, I'm truly sorry
If I let you down, but this tore me in two
The thought of no more me and you
You gave me shoes, Nikes like new for me for school
Doody, I'm trying, but you, you were the glue that binded
So many things, time, I'd give anything to rewind it
I had to walk down my halls and constantly be reminded
By pictures all on my walls and I couldn't sleep at night 'cause

That image burned in my brain of you on the table
Me falling across your body, not able to stand to save you
God, why did you take him?
I'm tryna keep his legacy alive, but I'm dying, where's Nathan?
Little ladies, be brave, take care of your mother
Smile pretty for pictures, always cherish each other
I'll always love ya, and I'll be in the back of your memory
And I know you'll never forget me, just don't get sad when remembering

And, little bro, keep making me proud
You better marry that girl 'cause she's faithfully down
And when you're exchanging those sacred vows, just know that if I could be there
I would and should you ever see parenthood, I know you'll be good at it
Oh, almost forgot to do something, thank my father too
I actually learnt a lot from you, you taught me what not to do
And Mom, wish I'd have had the chance
To have one last heart-to-heart honest and open talk to you

Doody, I see you, I go to walk to you
And I can feel my soul leave my body and float across the room
Nurses lean over the bed, pulling tubes out
Then the sheet over my head, shut the room down
Girls, please don't get upset, I see them cheeks soaking and wet
As you squeeze hold of my neck, so forcibly, don't wanna let
Me go, pillow drenched, emotional wrecks
With every second, each closer to death

But suddenly, I feel my heart begin to beat slow
Then a breath, machines go (beep beep beep)
Must've guessed the cheat codes to this shit
I'm tryna rewind time like a tape, find an escape
Make a beeline, try and awake
From this dream, I need to re-find
My inner strength, to remind me
Even if a steep climb I must take
To rewrite a mistake, I'm rewinding the tape

(I don't want it)
I'll put out this last album, then I'm done with it
One hundred percent finished, fed up with it
I'm hanging it up, fuck it
Excuse the cursing, baby, but just know
That I'm a good person, though they portray me as cold
And if things should worsen, but I bet you they won't
I'm pledging to throw this methadone in the toilet
Shred these old letters I wrote
All that old pathetic loathing, closing credits can roll
I'm proud to be back, I'm 'bout to, like a rematch
Outdo Relapse
With Recovery, Mathers LP2
Help propel me to victory laps
Gas toward them and fast forward the past
Consider the last four minutes as
The song I'd have sang to my daughters
If I'd have made it to the hospital
Less than two hours later, but I fought it
Came back like a boomerang on 'em
Now a new day is dawning, I'm up, Tuesday, it's morning
Now I know