cut my fingers off

Ethan Bortnick's song 'cut my fingers off' delves deep into the emotional turmoil of self-doubt, isolation, and the fear of disappointing those we love. The lyrics paint a vivid picture of someone grappling with their inner demons, feeling disconnected from the world around them. The opening lines, 'I fear the people I love most / And a disappointed face,' set the tone for the song, highlighting the protagonist's anxiety about letting down those closest to them. This fear is compounded by a sense of wasted potential and a life that feels unfulfilled.

The metaphor of cutting one's fingers off is particularly striking. Fingers are essential for reaching out and connecting with others, and by cutting them off, the protagonist symbolizes their inability to connect and their deep-seated feelings of isolation. The line 'But I'm all alone in my head, so I've married my doubts' further emphasizes this sense of loneliness and the internal struggle that comes with it. The protagonist is trapped in their own mind, unable to escape the doubts that plague them.

The song also touches on the theme of rejecting help and comfort, as seen in the lines 'Rejecting the flowers / Memorized all the smells of my bed's living hell.' This rejection of comfort and the familiar highlights the protagonist's struggle to accept help and their tendency to push others away. The repeated refrain of needing 'someone to trust while I lie to myself' underscores the paradox of wanting connection while simultaneously sabotaging it. Bortnick's poignant lyrics and haunting melody create a powerful exploration of the complexities of mental health and the human condition.