My Dead Gay Son

[RAM'S DAD, spoken]
You wait just a minute, Paul!
It is ignorant, hateful talk like yours that makes this world a place our boys could not live in!

(Sung)
They were not dirty!
They were not wrong!
They were two lonely verses
In the Lord's great song!

[KURT'S DAD, spoken]
Our boys were pansies, Bill!

[RAM'S DAD]
Yes!
My boy's a homosexual
And that don't scare me none—
I want the world to know
I love my dead gay son!

(Spoken)
I've been thinking. Praying
Reading some magazines
And it's time we opened our eyes!

(Sung)
Well, the good Lord made the universe
The Lord created man
And I believe it's all a part of his gigantic plan
I know God has a reason
For each mountain and each flower
And why he chose to let our boys get busy in the shower!

They were not dirty
They were not fruits!
They were just two stray laces in the Lord's big boots
Well, I never cared for homos much until I reared me one

[RAM’S DAD & CONGREGATION]
But now I've learned to love

[RAM’S DAD]
I love my dead gay son!

[CONGREGATION]
He loves his son
He loves his son
His dead gay son!

[RAM'S DAD]
Now, I say my boy's in heaven!
And he's tanning by the pool
The cherubim walk with him and him, and Jesus says it's cool!
They don't have crime or hatred, there's no bigotry or cursin'
Just friendly fellows dressed up like their fav'rite Village Person!
They were not dirty—

[CONGREGATION]
No, no!

[RAM’S DAD]
They just had flair!

[CONGREGATION]
Whoa!

[RAM’S DAD]
They were two bright red ribbons in the Lord's long hair
Well, I used to see a homo and go reachin' for my gun

[RAM’S DAD & CONGREGATION]
But now I've learned to love

[RAM’S DAD]
And furthermore!
These boys were brave as hell!
These boys, they knew damn well!
Those folks would judge 'em, they were desperate to be free!

They took a rebel stance, stripped to their underpants!
Paul, I can't believe that you
Still refuse to get a clue
After all that we been through

(Spoken)
I'm talkin’ you and me!
In the summer of '83!

[KURT'S DAD, spoken]
That was one hell of a fishing trip

[CONGREGATION]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
They were not dirty
Whoa!
And not perverse
No, no!
They were just two stray rhinestones
On the Lord's big purse!

[BOTH DADS]
Our job is now continuing the work that they begun!

[CONGREGATION]
'Cause now we love, love, love!
We love your dead

[RAM’S DAD]
They're up there disco dancing to the thump of angel wings!

[KURT’S DAD]
They grab a mate

[RAM’S DAD]
And roller skate

[BOTH DADS]
While Judy Garland sings!

[RAM’S DAD]
They live a playful afterlife that's fancy-free and reckless!

[KURT'S DAD]
They swing upon the pearly gates

[BOTH DADS & CONGREGATION]
And wear a pearly necklace!

[CONGREGATION]
Whoo!

[BOTH DADS]
They were not dirty!

[CONGREGATION]
No!

[BOTH DADS & CONGREGATION]
They were good men!
And now they're happy bear cubs in the Lord's big den!

[BOTH DADS]
Go forth and love each other now
Like our boys would have done

[ALL]
We'll teach the world to love

[BOTH DADS overlapping with congregation]
I love my dead gay son!
My son! My son!

[CONGREGATION]
Not half bad, your dead gay son!
Wish I had your dead gay son!
Thank you, dad, for your

[BOTH DADS & CONGREGATION]
Dead! Gay! Son!