After Ever After 3

Jon Cozart Jon Cozart

If you've ever wondered why
Disney tales all end in lies
Here's what happened after all their dreams came true...

[Simba]
Hmm!
Was gonna be a mighty king, Mufasa's famous heir
Well, your little mane's been lion-tamed
By beasts who don't fight fair
I've turned into the main event for soldiers big and small
And now I dread my severed head might end up on your wall
Let me help this African economy!
Oh, my species is going extinct!
Everywhere you look, death!
Taking shots at my pride
Thanks for that petition to stop a straight up genocide (scope, set)
Rafiki's brains are not a cure for AIDS
Now ebonies need ivory for pay
I don't think Hamlet ended up this way
Oh, my species is going extinct!
Oh, my species is go-

[Peter Pan]
Every time I fly to town
I grow up when I come down
Now I've been stuck at age sixteen
For eighty years of puberty
In unforgiving tights!
(He's upright, he's upright, he's upright)
We're following his leader, his leader, his leader
We're following his leader
Wherever he may bone
Tee dum, tee dee
My teedle-dee's out to play
It's one for all
The mermaids are wet for days
This engine's revved
There's only one booty for me
Just a teedle ee rump
A teedle ee hump tee day
Think of the fappiest thoughts
I'm a happy little thot
(Okay)
Wendy is my special gal
She's like ninety
I'm down
The dentures never bite
(He's upright, he's upright, he's upright)
Hope he's bi
He's upright

[Hercules]
Save my soul
Herc was on a roll
Now every god and goddess here is begging to atone
Replaced by intelligent design
The new guy's rolling by and turning water into wine
The Romans are chanting: Christo, Christo
He's a godsend bigger than Nero
Out with the old, in with the Jew
Hero to Christo
God's honest truth
Hero to Christo
Hey Herc, you're screwed
The Jesus freak is super weak
I'm so divine
You see I came inside a virgin's bod
So have I
I threw him in the Colosseum
A lion a la carte
Three days went by he zombified
And rose up in search of hearts

[Aladdin]
I'm a prisoner of war
ISIS blew up my city
They're throwing me off a building
'Cause they think that I like guys
A holy war
An old fantastical point of view
Carpet was burned alive, streamed nationwide
I can't go back to where I used to thieve
Every turn suicide
A hundred thousand children plead
The toppling of Agrabah with Sharia law
Stop this holy war before we're through (a holy war)
Unholy war (that's where we'll be)
Just refugees (send helping hands)
Instead of bans for you and me

The lions are gone
Hair on my junk
Jesus is a hunk
Screw Trump!

  1. After Ever After 3
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