Appointments

Julien Baker's song 'Appointments' delves deep into the emotional turmoil of self-doubt, mental health struggles, and the quest for self-acceptance. The lyrics paint a vivid picture of someone grappling with their own perceived inadequacies and the impact these feelings have on their relationships. The opening lines, 'I'm staying in tonight / I won't stop you from leaving,' set a somber tone, indicating a sense of resignation and acceptance of the other person's departure. This resignation is further emphasized by the acknowledgment of not being what the other person wanted, highlighting a deep-seated insecurity and self-blame.

The recurring theme of 'appointments' in the song serves as a metaphor for the protagonist's attempts to seek help and improve their mental health. The line, 'It's just that I talked to somebody again / That knows how to help me get better,' suggests a glimmer of hope and the importance of seeking professional help. However, the struggle is ongoing, as indicated by the repeated need to 'try not to miss anymore appointments.' This reflects the continuous effort required to manage mental health and the fear of failing in this endeavor.

Baker's lyrics also touch on the concept of hope and the necessity of believing in a better outcome, even when reality suggests otherwise. The lines, 'Maybe it's all gonna turn out alright / And I know that it's not, but I have to believe that it is,' encapsulate this internal conflict. The repetition of 'I have to believe that it is' underscores the importance of maintaining hope as a coping mechanism, despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary. This poignant portrayal of vulnerability and resilience resonates deeply with listeners, offering a raw and honest exploration of the human condition.