Long Distance Daddy

I'm a Long Distance Daddy
Riding my pickup tonight
And I'm a 40 year old honky-tonk runner
With a honky-tonk whore for a wife

Spoken:
Well I jumped in my pick up and I drove to the fridge and I got myself a beer. Then took a drive to Sonny's room, he's the border...Guy who lives in the back. There was my wife washing Sonny's face like I never seen it washed before, i said,"..the fuck's goin' on? Spell it out for me!" She said, "I'm Sonny's little honky-tonk whore." So, I kicked his B-A-Double L-S and said, "Fuckin' spell that!" Sonny C-R-Y, ha. I said, "Don't ever let me catch you hangin' around Kitty's P-U-Double S-Y." She said, "TAKE YOUR P-R-I-C-K AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR A-S-S!!!" I Said, "F-U-C-K-O-F-F!!" I jumped in my pick up and I left!!

I'm a Long Distance Daddy
Riding my pickup tonight
And I'm a 40 year old honky-tonk runner
With a honky-tonk whore for a wife

Spoken:
It's like ah, you know like..ah, I left that fuckin' scene, I thought it was really weird, you know. She was fuckin' around on me, right? Bitch. And then like, 3 weeks... 3 weeks and the fuckin' hom.. I'm on the road, right. I'm on the road 'bout 3 weeks in the fuckin' homoside, right? Last night, I got off the stage in Nashville, I'm standing by the door, right? And I walk over and said, ah, I said "Can we get payed?" And he turned around and he said, "You assholes came off 20 minutes early, I'm docking you 20 bucks!" 20 fuckin' bucks man, Jesus H. Christ thats my fulcrum margin, I near fuckin' killed him! And I grabbed him by the arm to turn him around and these Goons he had in the fuckin' door, they leaped me, right? Next think I know, I'm laying in the fuckin' alley, My ax is broken, some pricks ran off with my fuckin' Timex and leaving me with no fuckin' insurance. The stage... you know the white pants I wear? Dog shit down one fuckin' leg, they were fucked , right? Those fuckin' dogs! So, I went back to my pick up right! A fuckin' parking ticket for 20 fuckin' dollars on the fuckin' windshield!! Those fuckin' cops!! SO I DRIVE BACK TO THE MOTEL TO THIS FUCKIN' HOLE I HAD TO LIVE IN FOR 20 FUCKIN' DOLLARS A NIGHT WHERE SOME GUY'S PISSED ON THE BEDSPREAD RIGHT! AND FUCKIN' LEECHES!!! AND I TURN ON THE FUCKIN' T.V., WHO'S ON ONE FUCKIN' CHANNEL, LOUSY BLACK AND WHITE...EARNEST FUCKIN' AINSLEY!!!! "YEAH!! CURE THIS,"I SAID, "AND I'LL CURE YOUR FUCKIN' ARSEHOLE!!! AND I GRABBED MY CROTCH RIGHT!! THEN I HAD A HARD-ON SO I HAD TO GO TO THE FUCKIN' WASHROOM AND BEAT IT OFF, I WAS BEATIN' AND JACKIN' AND YOU KNOW WHAT!!! I COULDN'T FUCKIN' CUM!! I SAID "YOU FUCKIN' PRICK EVEN YOU WON'T GIVE ME ANY FUCKIN' PLEASURE, RIGHT!!" AND I GO BACK AND I TRIED TO PHONE THE KIDS, EH! AND MY WIFE TO PATCH THINGS UP!!! FUCKIN' KID ANSWERED, CALLED ME A CUNT AND HUNG UP!!! I SAID, "YOU FUCKIN' KIDS!!!" BUT EVERYONE'S A CUNT... THIS LOUSY FUCKIN' PLANET!!

I'm a Long Distance Daddy
Riding my pickup tonight
And I'm a 40 year old honky-tonk runner
With a honky-tonk whore for a wife

I'm a Long Distance Daddy
Riding my pickup tonight
And I'm a 40 year old honky-tonk runner
With a honky-tonk whore for a wife

And I'm a 40 year old honky-tonk runner
With a honky-tonk whore for a wife