Miracle

My mummy says I'm a miracle
My daddy says I'm his special little guy
I am a princess
And I am a prince
Mum says I'm an angel sent down from the sky

My daddy says I'm his special little soldier
No one is as handsome, strong as me
It's true he indulges my tendency to bulge
But I'm his little soldier!
Hop, 2-4-3!

My mummy says I'm a miracle
One look at my face, and it's plain to see
Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord
It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me!

My daddy says I'm his special little soldier
No one is as bold or tough as me
Has my daddy told you
One day when I'm older
I can be a soldier
And shoot you in the face?

One can hardly move for beauty and brilliance these days
It seems that there are millions of these one-in-a-millions these days
Special-ness seems de rigueur
Above average is average, go figure
Is it is some modern miracle of calculus
That such frequent miracles don't render each one un-miraculous?

My mummy says I'm a miracle
One look at my face, and it's plain to see
Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord
It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me!

My mummy says I'm a precious barrelina
She has never seen a prettier barrelina
She says if I'm keen, I have to cut down on the cream
But I'm a barrelina, so give me more cake!

Take another picture of our angel in that costume that I made
The role of tree has never been portrayed with such convincing sway
That's right, honey, look at mummy!
Don't put honey on your brother
Smile for mummy; smile for mother!
I think she blinked
Well, take another!
Have you seen his school report?
He got a C on his report!
What?
We'll have to change his school
That teacher's clearly falling short
She's just delightful
So precarious and insightful
Might she be a little brighter than the norm?
I know to boast it's frightful form!

(Take another!)
My mummy says I'm a miracle
(She looks lovely in this light)
One look at my face, and it's plain to see
(Honey, honey)
Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord
(Don't put honey on your brother)
It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me!

My mummy says I'm a miracle
That I'm as tiny and as shiny as a mirror ball
You can be all cynical, but it's a truth empirical
There's never been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle as me!

Every life I bring into this world restores my faith in humankind
Each new-born life, a canvas yet unpainted
This still unbroken skin
This uncorrupted mind

Every life is unbelievably unlikely
The chances of existence, almost infinitely small
The most common thing in life is life
And yet every single life bearing new life is a miracle!
Miracle!

Oh, my undercarriage doesn't feel quite normal
My skin looks just revolting in this foul fluorescent light
And this gown is nothing like the semi-formal, semi-Spanish gown
I should be wearing in the semi-finals tonight
I should be dancing the tarantella
Cui buon fare italiano

Not dressed in hospital cotton
With a smarting front bottom
And this horrible
(Miracle!)
Smelly little
(Miracle!)
Weakly little bowl of fat!
(What the hell was that?)
Would someone give this thing a bottle?
Or swap it for a later model!

Why do bad things always happen to good people?
Fine, upstanding citizens like you and me?
Why, when we've done nothing wrong
Should this disaster come along?
This horrible, weird-looking
Hairy little stinky feet
With no sign of a winky-dink at all!

Miracle! Miracle!
She's a miracle!
A miracle!
Every life's a miracle!
The most beautiful miracle I have ever seen!

I can't find his frank & beans!

Every life is unbelievably unlikely
The chances of existence, almost infinitely small
The most common thing in life is life
And yet every single life bearing new life is a miracle!
Miracle!

My mummy says I'm a miracle
That I'm as tiny and as shiny as a mirror ball
You can be all cynical, but it's a truth empirical
There's never been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle as me!

My mummy says I'm a lousy little worm
My daddy says I'm a bore
My mummy says I'm a jumped-up little germ
That kids like me should be against the law
My daddy says I should learn to shut my pie hole
No one likes a smart-mouthed girl like me
Mum says I'm a good case for population control
Dad says I should watch more TV