Can I Exist
Missio
Struggling with Inner Turmoil and Existential Doubt
Missio's song "Can I Exist" delves deep into the themes of existential crisis and inner turmoil. The opening lines, "Home is where they say the heart is / Mine's buried in the yard," suggest a profound sense of disconnection and loss. The heart, often symbolizing love and life, being buried in the yard implies that the narrator feels emotionally dead or detached from what should be their sanctuary. This sets the tone for the rest of the song, which explores feelings of guilt, despair, and the search for meaning in a seemingly indifferent world.
The chorus, with its repeated questioning of "(But how) can I exist? / Within the midst of this?" captures the essence of the narrator's existential doubt. The use of parentheses around "But how" emphasizes the uncertainty and confusion that pervades their thoughts. The narrator is grappling with their place in the world and their ability to continue amidst the chaos and pain they are experiencing. This is further highlighted by the line, "I wrote God a simple letter / Still haven't heard from him," which underscores a sense of abandonment and the feeling that their pleas for help or understanding are going unanswered.
The recurring line, "That I would quit on you?" adds another layer to the song's meaning. It suggests a relationship or commitment that the narrator feels they are failing or considering abandoning. This could be interpreted as a personal relationship, a commitment to oneself, or even a spiritual connection. The repetition of this line throughout the song emphasizes the weight of this potential failure and the guilt associated with it. Missio's raw and emotive delivery of these lyrics enhances the song's impact, making it a poignant exploration of human vulnerability and the struggle to find one's place in the world.