I've Been

In 'I've Been' from the musical 'Next to Normal,' the character Dan grapples with the overwhelming responsibility of caring for his wife, who is suffering from a severe mental illness. The song poignantly captures his feelings of helplessness, fear, and exhaustion as he stands by her side, unsure of how to help her. Dan's lyrics reveal the emotional toll that caregiving takes on him, as he admits that despite being told how her illness progresses, the reality is that no one truly knows what will happen. This uncertainty adds to his sense of despair and frustration.

Dan's internal struggle is evident as he describes the daily act of pretending everything is normal, which becomes increasingly absurd and unbearable. His fears and anxieties are bottled up inside, screaming to be heard, yet he feels unable to express them. The song highlights the isolation and loneliness that often accompany caregiving, as Dan feels abandoned and unsure if the treatments will work. His weariness is palpable, and he longs for support, yet finds himself alone in his struggle.

The duet with Gabe, another character, adds a layer of complexity to Dan's emotions. Gabe's presence in the song suggests a connection to Dan's wife, possibly representing her illness or a manifestation of Dan's inner turmoil. The lyrics 'Mine is just a slower suicide' starkly convey Dan's sense of hopelessness and the feeling that his own life is being consumed by his wife's illness. Despite the immense pain and difficulty, Dan's commitment to his wife remains unwavering, as he resolves to stay by her side, unable to imagine life without her. The song is a powerful exploration of love, sacrifice, and the profound impact of mental illness on both the sufferer and their loved ones.