Our Word

When I was a little girl
Like really little, like eight or so
I was playing in my father's study
A place in the house

I wasn't supposed to go
My father fancied himself a sailor
His study was filled with nautical decor
He kept a boat in a bottle
On the top of a shelf
And it shattered on the ground

When I slammed the door
I told my mother everything
I told her I was so, so sorry
She told me: Don't cry
When he comes home tonight
We can make everything okay
This is all we have to say

We don't remember a boat in a bottle
It must've fallen off its shelf alone
We know you loved it, we're so sad it's broken
But neither one of us was even home

And it's our word
Yes, our word
Against his
So I hid screw-ups from my father
Made up school awards to please my mom
Whatever made the steak taste better
Whatever kept the waters calm

I was told to keep their secrets
And in turn, they'd keep mine
As I got older, I got dumber
I couldn't help but cross the line

Three times I nearly wrecked my life
Three times I nearly came to ruin
Three times went crying to my parents
Who said they'd make it go away
Yes, this is all we had to say

We never rented a house in Sedona
We didn't see Camille the day she died
We haven't been on our boat
In some years now
So we don't care what you found inside

And it's our word
Yes, our word
It's our word
Yes, our word
Against theirs

Somebody was paid
To make it go away
Everyone was paid
To make the problems go away

Doesn't matter who gets screwed
Or who is blamed
Do what you need to do
To clear your name
An inconvenient truth
Can be easily erased

When I was 26
I was living in New York
I developed some fun habits
Put my white blood cells to work

I remember it so clearly
I was home alone on a Tuesday night
To level out, I'd popped some downers
But couldn't seem to get my mind right

I drew a bath and slipped into it
And suddenly became aware
I couldn't keep my head above water

I took a final gasp of air
And as I laid there helplessly
A million different thoughts came to me
I saw my parents hearing the news

Your only daughter drowned today
I thought about what they might say
Our daughter, Judith?
No, she moved to Austin

She's very happy there, or so we hear
She's always been so goddamned independent
The years go by, and now we barely see her
Our daughter, Judith?

You must be mistaken
You mean the girl we raised as if our own?
We loved her so much, she felt like our child
But eventually we had to send her home

It'd be their word
Only their word
It'd be their word
Only their word
On its own