Levers

There stands a door that I was yet to consider
But the locks are all melting and the colors are convincing me
Words on the gate reading I'll make this all go away
Just walk through me to the silence, that's the music
In the valley of nothing where everyone started
Before life erased you and made you not part of it
Broke off a piece of what was silent, but eternal
And then trapped in a body we beg to return to it
Placed in the depths of an ocean, forgetting

How we belong at the surface but everyone's swimming
Towards lights at the bottom reflecting on mirrors
But I could labor no longer and float towards what everyone
Fears the eternal that's found in the shallows
But one day they will realize what I have just figured out
Here, at the bottom, it's cold and it's sort of merciless
But the water gets warmer as you float away from it
On my way to live the greatest
Life, not have one, or I'll just stick around
And see if it gets better

This decision lasts forever Seeing pictures, filled with envy
Trying to become who I used to be
It seems so far from likely
Smiling, he looks nothing like me
Levers and pulleys and spindles of wire
My limbs are all frozen and my lungs are on fire
And here in your arms I feel miles away from you
Know how it's strange, but I mean all that I'm saying, oh
Levers, and pulleys, and spindles of rope
In that perfect machine that I used to be, something broke
And then a thought so unnatural that it felt like perfection
Came and knocked on my door, and in time I just let it in
Asking me if I had heard of the surface

Where nothing goes wrong, and where no one can ever hurt you
And taking my hand it allowed me to breathe
Said that there's a way to always feel the way you feel
When you finally find your way to sleep
And then it showed me my life
How it could end, and where it started
And then it showed me the world but said I'm not a part of it
But the lonely and the hurting have a place, no one's seen it
But once I have shown you
You can't ever leave it No matter

These thoughts, and these words, so inviting
I can't say goodbye just quite yet I'll keep fighting it
People who love me would never stop hurting
From something so simple yet something so permanent
Gone into the valley where everyone started
Where smiles are worn by the hopeless and the brokenhearted
There in the light of the stars dancing quietly
Spirits at home in the warmth of eternity

Broken boy who must keep hoping
Maybe one day he will figure this out
Or things will heal in time
This breathing ghost that never died
These bits and pieces all left over
From that smiling child I used to be
I'm cold and terrified
I know there's warmth but I can't find it