It's Dangerous To Go Alone

Hey, hey, alright, yeah, aw yeah
My name is Link, y'all, I'm straight outta Hyrule
Been on the force o' good since 1986, old school
I'm bringin' you a laid-back summertime jam

Hold on a minute, Link
Hey, what's up, Old Man?

I see that you're embarkin' on another epic quest
You're gonna use your Ocarina to rescue the Princess
But you'll need a magic weapon that'll never ever miss
It's dangerous to go alone, take this

Oh, thanks Old Man, that is really very nice
I can always count on you for help and friendly advice
Though I've never seen a sword of quite that shape or size
Oh, God, that's not a sword, it's your dick in disguise

Yes, I can't lie, I have painted my schween
Now grab your destiny, if you know what I mean
Wait a minute, Link, don't leave the cave, where do you think you're going?
This is a great chance to fondle old scrotum that you're blowing

That was weird, but whatever, there is no time to lose
I gotta warp right now to Zelda in this chilled out groove
Wait, this isn't Ganon's Lair, I'm in Liberty City
This place looks just like Philadelphia, but even more shitty

I'm at the corner of Dead Cop and Prostitute Junction
Something in my Ocarina must have gone and malfunctioned
I gotta fix it quickly, there is justice to do

Hold on a minute, Link
Old Man, is that you?

This is a place you can't survive with just your sword and your wits
It's dangerous to go alone, take this

Well, that's really kind of... D'ah, that's your wrinkled dick again
Look, I know I wear a tunic, but I'm not into men

Don't be that way, bitch, let me introduce you
To my three best friends: Mr. Johnson and the Juice Crew
If you see the Princess Zelda, well, you know you're gonna grab her
So why don't you try to come grab my inflatable poo jabber?

Oh, my God
I gotta warp outta here, Princess Zelda awaits
I must defeat Ganondorf before it gets too late
Okay, now I really don't know where I am

Hold on a minute, Link

Goddammit, Old Man

You're in Raccoon City, it's a zombie abyss
It's dangerous to go alone, take

No! Fuck you! Fuck you!
I'm not giving you a
Not touching your we
Stop the chilled out groove! Jeez!
You come in here telling me you got a weewee weapon
It's not cool, I'm not gonna touch it, I'm not gonna spl...
No!

So, is that a "No" on the handjob or...? Okay