19sai

Suga Shikao's song '19sai' delves into the tumultuous emotions and existential struggles of being nineteen years old. The lyrics paint a vivid picture of a young person grappling with self-loathing and a deep sense of inadequacy. The repeated phrase 'daikirai na boku juukyuu sai' (I hate myself at nineteen) underscores the protagonist's intense dissatisfaction with their current state of being. This age is often a time of transition, where one is no longer a child but not yet fully an adult, leading to feelings of being stuck in a liminal space.

The metaphor of the 'kuro ageha chou' (black swallowtail butterfly) is central to the song, symbolizing a desire for transformation and freedom. The protagonist yearns to fly proudly with beautiful wings, escaping the confines of their current reality. This imagery reflects a common desire among young people to break free from societal expectations and find their own path, even if it means embracing a life that others might deem 'dull' or 'insignificant.' The butterfly also represents a fleeting moment of beauty and acceptance, highlighting the protagonist's wish to be loved and appreciated, even if only for a brief instant.

The song also touches on themes of unrequited love and the pain of feeling unworthy. The protagonist questions why someone with a beautiful heart would kiss them, despite their perceived flaws and inability to achieve anything significant. This sense of unworthiness is a poignant reflection of the insecurities that many young people face as they navigate their way through life. Suga Shikao's emotive lyrics and melancholic melody capture the essence of this struggle, making '19sai' a relatable and deeply moving piece for anyone who has ever felt lost or inadequate during their journey to adulthood.