All American Prophet

You all know the Bible
Is made of Testaments old and new
You been told it's just those two parts
Or only one if you're a Jew

But what if I were to tell you
There's a fresh third part out there
Which was found by a hip new prophet
Who had a little Donny Osmond flair?

Have you heard of the All-American Prophet?
The blonde-haired, blue-eyed voice of God
He didn't come from the Middle East
Like those other holy men
No, God's favorite prophet was All-American

I'm gonna take you back to Biblical times: 1823
An American man named Joe living on a farm in the holy land of Rochester, New York
You mean the Mormon Prophet Joseph Smith?
That's right
That young man spoke to God
He spoke to God?!
And God said
Joe, people really need to know that the Bible isn't two parts
There's a part three to the Bible, Joe
And I, God, have anointed you to dig up this part three
That is buried by a tree on a hill in your backyard

Wow! God says go to your backyard and start digging? That makes perfect sense!

Joseph Smith went up on that hill
And dug where he was told
And deep in the ground
Joseph found
Shining plates of gold

What are these Golden Plates? Who buried them here and why?

Then appeared an Angel
His name was Moroni

I am Moroni

The All-American Angel
My people lived here long, long ago
This is a history of my race
Please read the words within
We were Jews who met with Christ, but we were All-American

But don't let anybody see these Plates except for you
They are only for you to see
Even if people ask you to show the Plates to them
Don't
Just copy them onto normal paper
Even though this might make them question if the Plates are real or not
This is sort of what God is going for

Joseph took the Plates home
And wrote down what he found inside
He turned those Plates into a book
Then he rushed into town and cried

Hey, God spoke to me and gave me
This blessed ancient tome
He hath commanded me to publish it
And stick it in every home

Wow, so the Bible is actually a trilogy
And The Book of Mormon is Return of the Jedi? I'm interested!

Now many people didn't believe the Prophet Joseph Smith
They thought he'd made up this part three that was buried by a tree on the hill in his backyard

Liar!

But Joe said

This is no lie
Speak to God all the time
And he told me to head West

So I'll take my part three from the hill with the tree
Feel free if you'd like to come along with me
To the Promised Land

The Promised Land?

Paradise
On the West Coast
Nothing but fruit and fields as far as the eye can see

Have you heard of the All-American Prophet?
He found a brand new book about Jesus Christ
We are following him to Paradise
We call ourselves Mormon
And our new religion is All-American

Wow! How much does it cost?

The Mormons kept on searching for
That place to settle down
And every time they thought they'd found it
They got kicked out of town

And even though people wanted
To see the Golden Plates
Joseph never showed 'em
I have maggots in my scrotum

Um
Okay
Well, anyway

Now comes the part of our story
That get a little bit sad
On the way to the Promised Land
Mormons made people mad

Joseph was shot by an angry mob
And knew he'd soon be done
You must lead the people now
My good friend, Brigham Young

Oh, God
Why are you letting me die
Without having me show people the Plates
They'll have no proof I was telling the truth or not
They'll have to believe it just 'cause
Oh, I guess that's kinda what you were going for

The Prophet Joseph Smith died for what he believed in
But as followers, they kept heading West
And Brigham Young led them to Paradise
A sparkling land in Utah they called Salt Lake City
And there, the Mormons multiplied, and made big Mormon families
Generation after generation. Until finally, they made me
And now it's my job to lead you where those early settlers were led long ago

Have you heard of the All-American Prophet? (Kevin Price)
The next in line to be the voice of God (My best friend)
He's gonna do something incredible
And be Joseph Smith again
Because Kevin Price the Prophet is All-American

If you order now we'll also throw in a set of steak knives!

All-American