Stuck With You

You're a slob, it's such a bore
Your underwear strewn on the floor
And you're a packrat, most extreme
Our house is full of magazines
The toilet's broke, and yet I bet
His majesty ain't fixed it yet
You're one to talk, sleepyhead
Get your fat ass out of bed

Oh, but in the eyes of God
We said our vows before the pews
Not until death may we part
So until then, I'm stuck with you

You swore that you'd be true to me
But gave me infidelity
Why should I give a tinker's cuss?
She was your sister, what's the fuss?
Well then, let's propose a truce
What's good for gander is good for goose
Hey now, that's different, you took to bed
My favorite dog and all my friends

Oh, but in the eyes of God
We said our vows before the pews
Not until death may we part
So until then, I'm stuck with you
Oh, but in the eyes of God
We said our vows before the pews
Not until death may we part
This is my curse, I said: I do
Better or worse I'm stuck with you

You poked my eye, I wear a patch
I should've given you one to match
Did you forget? You got me back
You chopped my thumb off with an axe
You drowned my kittens one by one
You looked like you were having fun
You stabbed my mother, in the chest
With a Korean bayonet

Oh, but in the eyes of God
We said our vows before the pews
Not until death may we part
So until then, I'm stuck with you
Oh, but in the eyes of God
We said our vows before the pews
Not until death may we part
This is my curse, I said: I do
'Less you die first, I'm stuck with you

And now I lie here in the grave
I pray to God my soul to save
And in the darkness of the tomb
I'm glad I'm lying next to you
And as I lay here six feet down
My body buried underground
In this dank, and dreary cold
I'm just glad I'm not alone

Oh, but in the eyes of God
We said our vows before the pews
Not until death may we part
So until then, I'm stuck with you
Oh, but in the eyes of God
We said our vows before the pews
Not until death may we part
I'm not sad I said: I do
I'm just glad I was stuck with you