Against The Kitchen Floor

I don't owe you my heart
And I don't owe you my body
But you should know that I'm sorry
For being careless with you

Lord knows I owe you more
Than I'm pretty sure I ever could give anybody
But I can't pin down what normal people want from foreign objects
Bottom shelf erotic products like me

So, I could hold your hand but keep you at arm's length
Or hang me from a branch too high to climb and shake
Less rare than scarce, less diamond than rough
Unlikely to be more than just the coal you fail to crush, and

I swear, I'm really trying
It just don't come natural to me to think that you'd want me for me
I swear, I'm really trying
Oh, I'm sorry, I promise, I'm doing my best
I just haven't learned how to be human as you are yet

I still don't know who you are
I only know that I'm still lonely
That morbid sort where even company can't cure me
And the more you reassure, the less I trust

But still you gave me your heart
I only gave you my body
Honestly thought nobody'd want it, let alone notice it's gone
And so I left it home, but now, now, now, now

I keep a locket with a picture of the back of my head
Oh, monkey-wrench my side view mirrors, ghost my friends
I've lived more lives than enough, I haven't died quite as much
But I'm not a real person, just the shit you can't make up, and

I swear, I'm really trying
I'm just as exposed if I take off my clothes
When we make the closest thing to love that I'm capable of
And I don't know why you would care
But I'm really trying
Oh, I'm sorry, I promise, I'm doing my best
I just haven't learned how to be human as you are yet

Did I really have any of that gravity?
Maybe you're quicksand
Because I really couldn't tell
How deep my footprints went

The vertex of my redemption arc
The searching on that virgin heart
I'm catatonic in your arms
Crying, how did I cause so much harm?

I'm down pounding my head against the kitchen floor
Apologizing for my life and ever entering yours
Don't say I'm sorry, but this can't go on
I know you've got scars of your own
But hide my knives before you go
I'll either live or die alone

I'm still in the process, but I'm making progress
I promise, I honestly wanna prove improvement's possible
I swear, I'm so fucking sorry
I'm not a good person, I'm barely a person at all
But someday I'll be perfect, and I'll make up for it all

And write a fucking song about it, cause
God-damn it
Sorry
Fuck, I'm sorry