The Only Time I Feel Alive (feat. Craig Xen)

XXXTENTACION's song "The Only Time I Feel Alive (feat. Craig Xen)" delves into the complex and often contradictory emotions that accompany feelings of despair and existential angst. The recurring line, "Why the only time I feel alive is when I wanna die?" encapsulates the paradoxical nature of finding a sense of vitality in moments of deep sorrow and hopelessness. This line suggests a struggle with mental health, where the intensity of negative emotions paradoxically brings a heightened sense of awareness and presence.

The lyrics also touch on themes of distrust and disillusionment in relationships. XXXTENTACION expresses skepticism towards promises of love and support, as seen in the lines, "Tellin' me, you can be the one, yeah / And, honestly, I don't really buy it." This reflects a sense of isolation and the difficulty in believing in genuine connections, possibly stemming from past betrayals or disappointments. The repeated command to "shut up, be quiet" further emphasizes a desire to silence external voices and retreat into oneself.

Craig Xen's verse adds another layer to the song, highlighting a sense of empowerment through violence and material success. Lines like "Killin' 'em makin' me feel alive again" and "Flooded in diamonds, and it obvious" suggest that the pursuit of power and wealth serves as a coping mechanism for underlying pain. However, this approach is also fraught with its own contradictions, as it ultimately fails to provide true fulfillment or peace. The juxtaposition of these themes underscores the complexity of human emotions and the often futile search for meaning in a chaotic world.