Schrödinger

Sometimes I am alive because I still hear the beats of my heart
Because I keep my reason, also the knack
Because I still breathe and perceive my broken inside
Because I still sigh whenever I look at your photos

I am alive because I shout against my pillow in the dark
And shiver from the cold of the moon's breath
I am alive because you too and I know you sin in this
I am alive because I feel, plain and simple

From anger, incomprehension, pain, nerves, pure sadness
To disgust, apathy, disdain, anguish, and bitterness
I am alive because my sorrow endures

And I still need to write lyrics to escape my madness
I am tired of living, but alive, losing my temper
And feeling native to oblivion

Releasing sighs because time passes slowly
And I sit on the couch thinking I'm screwed
I am alive because I cry, sob until I burst
I explode into twenty thousand pieces, I can't get up

I am alive because I fall into the well, I swear I try to climb
But I stumble and see sketches of my endless triumph
I still look for a way out, a damn alternative
To get me out of this ruined cell

I mix ink with saliva to practice therapy
And that's why I think I am part of life

There is a problem regarding my feelings
Sometimes I am alive and sometimes I am dead
Two faces of a mirror in my conscience, I'm not lying
I won't know my state if I don't look inside

Sometimes I am dead because my arteries seem like deserts
My eyes are open but I am not awake
I am lost in the dark nothingness, this beggar swears
That I no longer have reasons and that I continue on inertia

Dead because I am in an existential void
In a demencial weariness, I can't take it anymore, man
My dark circles are screaming that I am not well
What the hell, I am terrible, every step is a challenge

I no longer feel cold, nor heat, nor love, nor hate
My pencil broke and I won't write more episodes
I don't stress, nor enjoy, I wander like a lost soul
It rained a lot, I am in mourning for the blood in my veins
There is hardly any desire for anything, no hunger or satiety

I observe my will full of dirt
I let it go to another place, I don't want it anymore
Now I am another corpse and my bed is my hole
My mattress hugs me as if it were my niche
I've said it, I spend every night staring at the ceiling

I don't feel anything in my chest, I keep talking out of whim
And I see the Reaper rummaging through my shadows, lurking
Why leave this place if I have already seen everything?
If I walk down the street, people see a zombie
I don't feel anything, I am neither weak nor strong
And that's why I think I am part of death

There is a problem regarding my feelings
Sometimes I am alive and sometimes I am dead
Two faces of a mirror in my conscience, I'm not lying
I won't know my state if I don't look inside

Sometimes I am alive because I know there is something more
I am not empty, I am full of loneliness
Sometimes I die because everything is the same to me
Because I walk aimlessly and forget to breathe

Sometimes I am alive because I remember you
Sometimes I die because I don't know what I'm doing here
Sometimes I struggle between being sane or being happy
Bah, it doesn't matter how I am, I always reach the same end