camuflo

When will I learn to know how to say no?
When will the guilt not attack me if I don't pick up the phone?
When will I stop asking for forgiveness?
When will I stop putting myself below to avoid the situation
Of being a chameleon?

I'm scared of how easily I disguise my anger
For others, it would be a suicide mission
But not for me
I've done it so many times that now I don't see another way out

Every now and then if I'm lost
I have panic attacks
And it's automatic
I've never done it to get your attention

If you want to help me
Listen to me before looking at me
And if you want to see me
You'll have to do it without judging me

It's easier to disguise myself
How much longer will this wobbling last?
The more I fight
The more I wear out the ground

How many metaphors do I go through as a last resort
To tell you that sometimes I hate myself?
And it's so obvious

I'm scared of how easily I vomit anger
For others, it's nonsense
But not for me
I swear I don't

I've done it so many times that now I don't see another way out
That's why suddenly my stomach hurts
And it's automatic
I've never done it to get your attention

If you want to help me
Listen to me before looking at me
And if you want to see me
You'll have to do it without judging me

And if you're going to listen to me
You'll have to hear somewhere
That you don't like
Maybe I'm not what you thought
You don't see it but the pain exists