Gaffer 2000

Some go to the gym,
others to the tanning salon.
Some have dogs, cats,
others an aquarium.

Some collect stamps,
others collect money.
Some collect: who knows what?!
- well, whatever floats their boat...

Some bowl in a club,
others play cards.
Some talk about soccer,
others ride bikes.

Whether meadows, fields or
forests to wander through -
all not for me!
I'm different from the others...

Last week, I remember it well,
I was stuck in traffic on the highway with my wife.
And I said to my wife: 'Something must have happened.
Let's go check it out, because I'm burning with curiosity.'

And I zoom with screeching tires
across the wide shoulder
out to the front of the traffic jam.

Lo and behold, there's a car, it's just catching fire.
People are trapped inside! ...None that we know.
Five-meter high flames! Such an adventure, yeah!
Hey great, we're the first ones here! Before the fire department!

I capture everything on VHS, so I don't forget:
'Honey, please stand in front of the charred corpse... Yes, very nice! And now: Smile!'

I'm a rubbernecker.
Yes, I find full pleasure in gawking.
I'm a rubbernecker.
Yes, it's the best hobby of all.

While ice skating, a little kid falls into the ice.
A large circle forms immediately around the spot of the fall.
As always, I quickly position myself in the front row.
Too bad, right now I don't have my camera with me!

The little kid sinks and drowns.
'Well, where was the ambulance again? I ask you.'
'Yes, yes, you're absolutely right. It could have been avoided. But they're always too slow! Typical.'

You could help yourself, but let's be honest!
That's too dangerous for us rubberneckers.
If I ventured onto the ice to help,
I know that if I fell in now, no one would help me.

A vicious circle! Hear my command: Never go on thin ice.

So now speaking in general terms, almost as a metaphor.

I'm a rubbernecker.
Almost like a profession made for me.
I'm a rubbernecker.
I've got the rubbernecker groove.

I recently stumbled upon a suicide candidate.
He was standing on a bridge, and I could hardly wait.
I shouted to him: 'Just jump!' - He seemed confused
but jumped anyway. I took a picture of it.

Rubbernecking is not just an exciting sport,
no, in disaster tourism I hold the record:
Because hardly any disasters happen at my home,
I go where they are to see them live.

The right disasters, infernos, accidents
magically attract me, I can't escape them:
At a plane crash or at the Oderbruch,
or at a train derailment, I get on board,
for example at the ICE in Eschede
I found a paradise for rubbernecking.

Because I crave sensations so much,
it sometimes happens that I provoke them myself.
The advantage: I determine the scene
and I'm always the first one there.

For example, I knew right away, it would be a short trip,
when Diana drove into the tunnel with her sheikh.

People pay me a lot of money for photos of such things,
because apparently rubbernecking is not just for me alone.
Because what sets us apart from apes when rubbernecking,
is how much we revel in the suffering of our fellow human beings.

But at least
the accusation against those
who close their eyes,
doesn't apply to me.
I do look.