Le mécréant

Is there anything more vile
More hopeless, than not believing in God?

I wish I had faith, the faith of my coalman
Who’s as happy as a pope and dumb as a rock

My upstairs neighbor, a certain Blaise Pascal
Kindly gave me this friendly advice

Get down on your knees, pray and plead
Pretend to believe, and soon you will believe

I started to recite, knees on the ground
All the Hail Marys, all the Our Fathers

In the streets, the cafes, the trains, the buses
All the de profundis, all the morpionibus

In the meantime, finding in the nettles
A cassock my size, I dressed up in it

And, freshly tonsured, guitar in hand
I set out on the path to saving faith

I stumbled upon a heap of sacristy tacks
Thinking I was someone else, they said in chorus

Father, sing us a sacred refrain
Some holy song that you have the secret to

Strumming fervently the strings under my fingers
I started singing the gorilla with your damn

Shouting at the impostor, the traitor, the phony
They want to make me suffer the torment of Abelard

I’m going to join the ranks of the mute in the palace
The beauties won’t come hang on my chest anymore

Thanks to my cut voice, I’ll have a prime spot
Among the little singers with wooden crosses

Attracted by the noise, a charity lady
Said to them: What are you doing? Unfortunate ones, stop

There are so many men today with a perverse bent
To stubbornly take Cupid upside down

So many men stripped of their virile charms
Let’s not take away from those who still have them

These heavy arguments made a big impression
They let me leave with ovations

But, on the way to heaven, I won’t take another step
Faith will come on its own or it won’t come at all

I’ve never killed, never raped either
It’s been a while since I’ve stolen

If the eternal exists, in the end, he sees
That I behave no worse than if I had faith.