O Dorso da Baleia Solitária

According to Bukowski, love happens every ten years
You told me
Precisely what you told me was
Love happens every ten years
And I just reached ten

I wanna hold your hand
I should have said

I reminded you of dinner
Of my hair
And how your body moved around mine
I liked to believe that you knew what you were doing
That the abrupt, quick, and precise movements
Referred to something like certainty, mastery, and
Anything similar or even equal to security
I'm ashamed
That was the first thing you told me
I'm ashamed of everything

I wanna hold your hand
I should have said

Imagine if it were safe
I replied precisely
At this exact moment I embarked
Towards the nameless well
Because some things have no name
And others we just don't know

I wanna hold your hand
I should have said

Speaking of dinner
It was there that I met the eight-year-old nomad boy
Who recited a poem to me
When you walk away
Do it slowly and gently
Do it as if I were dying
In my dream instead of my life

I wanna hold your hand
I should have said

The messages kept coming
And you saw my fear as charm
If you behave, I'll bring you breakfast in bed
You told me
You'll have to read my favorite author
I told you

I wanna hold your hand
I should have said

While you introduced me to the men in your life
I covered you with the abysses of my women
Don't wait to be sure, move move move
And I thought you knew what I was talking about

I wanna hold your hand
I should have said

You like the bitter
You told me
I like what undresses and undresses you
Regardless of the taste
I replied

I wanna hold your hand
I should have said

I bought you a red book
I started to underline it almost secretly
Because I knew I would only deliver it in the end
And the drawings came, the writings, and all the weight of my body
The book was for you
Later I found out that you thought it sacrilegious to modify the original work
But the book was for you, stripped
Everyone can change their mind whenever they want
You told me

I wanna hold your hand
I should have said

Your voice is good, secure. I like it
You told me

I wanna hold your hand
I should have said

In the nameless well
I could touch the minutes of your time
They hovered in the air
And the shine of the pause disorganized me
I think that's what kept me close
Dance with me?
You asked me

I wanna hold your hand
I should have said

I don't know how to dance as a couple
I replied
Let me lead you
You told me

I wanna hold your hand
I should have said

At twenty-seven I liked explanations
Not to understand them, but to possess them
I'm not good at explaining things
You told me
But I'm good at understanding
I replied
I'm strange
You told me

I wanna hold your hand
I should have said

For a brief moment I left the nameless well
And it was without gentleness and too fast that I warned you
This has an end
I'm not a half man
You told me

I wanna hold your hand
I should have said

I have trouble sleeping together
I told you
I have a new toothbrush here
You told me

I wanna hold your hand
I should have said

You handed me a contract
A contract that I could leave
Whenever I wanted
But that
Without a doubt
You would protect the nomad boy
Even if it meant leaving before
And I underlined in the red book
About the lions that roar against God
When they realize their snouts are the same

I wanna hold your hand
I should have said

Time
Time is something I don't understand
But I respect
Just tell me when
And you held on to your thirty years of age
Ensuring me clarity

I wanna hold your hand
I should have said

Back to the nameless well
I was out of sync
As if that were me
I also want to see you, believe me
You told me

I wanna hold your hand
I should have said

I heard of a poem whose verse said
How beautiful this disheveled acid, damn
The acid is deoxyribonucleic, DNA or simply, blood
I think my blood is too red
I told you
You hugged me

I wanna hold your hand
I should have said

I don't believe in this end
You told me

I wanna hold your hand
I should have said

And after that I fell into another well
This one has a name
And I know the name
But I don't want to talk about it here

I wanna hold your hand
I should have said

On any corner
At the exact time
Life shouted for me to disappear
I underlined in the red book
I'm not one to cry easily

I wanna hold your hand
I should have said

Want to go to the park?
I asked you
I'll go at a different time than yours
You replied
And I asked if this was the end
The dogs gave me an incredible direction in life
You replied

I wanna hold your hand
I should have said

In the recent past
Rewinding just a few days
I recorded myself dancing alone for you
Beside me, a glass of wine
Beside you, you opened to the world, happy, the meeting of two
My cells resonated with an intangible pain
The contract was always about detachment and I owe you nothing
You told me
And I understood that the whale was me

I wanna hold your hand
I should have said

So I opened the door of memory
And saw myself sitting on the black bed
With a heart soothed
Seeing roots in your eyes and excitement
I'm not in a hurry to get to know you
You told me

I wanna hold your hand
I should have said

These things happen like this, unexpectedly
You told me
Don't be fooled, you knew you had reached ten
I should have said
I don't know how many times I saw you naked
You told me
I think none
I should have said
I don't give chance to luck
You told me

I wanna hold your hand
I should have said

My mother didn't have contractions during my pregnancy
It's lack of courage
The doctor said
In these specific cases
The baby remains in the womb for a few more days
During this time, it develops a canal
Connecting the bone that I don't know the name of
Located at the end of the head with the other bone
That I don't know the name of and that is at the end of the left heel
The canal crosses the back and moves the whale
Lack of courage is rewarded by a subterfuge to feel
And she feels everything
She is a canal and a canal is always crossed

I wanna hold your hand
I should have said

I prefer to be the girl
Or the whale
Who has a canal on her back
And who wrote you a poem
Because I would like to hold your hand, nothing more