El de Blanco (Antología, Vol 2.)

I feel a sick desire to write
But nothing comes out that pleases me, nothing that satisfies me-
I feel like I'm going crazy and
I feel the blank paper with its new smell there, in front of me
Looking at me, mocking me, challenging me

You're blank, so am I, but you challenge me
I suffered and thanks to me, you possessed poetry
Now you bite the hand that gave you rhymes
If you want poetry, I'll throw you into the sea, know how to row?

Writing is surgery to remove the tumor
Let the flesh open and come out through the chest (Yeah, the pain)
But you don't know about that, you just lie there
Waiting for poetry from the poet you detest

Although we're both blank, it's not wise to face me
I have a black heart since she chose to leave me
I feel it in me, because on your skin I'll tattoo my hell
Then I turn back crow verses, your body has turned into flesh

It's not that I play God, but this world is mine
I didn't want to write to a heaven, hell is more lit
There you can have a threesome, here God gave free will
But it came with a trick, all the good is forbidden

Here you'll feel how the pain impregnates you
You're in White, You're the target of my black tears
I write the rules, you challenged me
Bad idea champ, you found the contrast in me

If you're happy all the time, then doubt
Are you just a simple idiot or do you need help?
From the guts troops of hatred unfold in time
Through your folds and plagues, and gas, and you pay.. And swallow
Long breaths, whatever you do, you'll drown
You deserve everything that was and a little more
I can stain your whiteness with colors or brutal wounds
My words are brushes and daggers

I'm blank in front of the paper
(And I act defiant)
Blank in front of the paper
(And.. Impotent)
Blank in front of the audience
(My attitude changes)
Blank in front of the audience
(I go into panic)

Nerves again, I want to demolish the world on my shoulders
And then put its debris at my feet
It's almost time to go on stage, people are waiting
And I'm trembling in white, fear is my adversary

I defeated the paper and now I must expose myself
Relive all the pain I left in it
Immolate myself before my audience hungry for morbid
They devour my misery and drink my soul in one gulp

Why did I come? Why do they want me to rhyme?
It seems they know what hurts me
What depresses me
I'm so insecure that I'm addicted to their applause
But I don't want to rap, I need a break

It infuriates me that half of my fans don't understand my rap
So half of that applause is fake
There are hundreds of faces I dare not look at
They scream my name so loud, I feel like I'm going to explode

Time is running out, my hands are sweating, I tremble
No... I can't make a mistake, everyone is watching
I must set a good example but how can I? Right
If I came to the concert to rap what I feel, I'm sorry

Ready to die at the end of each rhyme
But the audience senses it so they end them for me
My alcoholism tore my series to the bottom of the abyss
I apologize to those I offended, I've forgiven myself

I'm fighting to be better
Not to make the same mistake
Never tell me again that I prefer them over you
Because our family always comes first, my love