Enamorado

I record just so you can hear me
I want to see your eyes shine
Like that evening every night, your jet-black hair
I will get tangled and adore you
And I will give you my best rhyme
Which is more valuable than a stuffed animal

I won't fight for you if I can barely start my days
There's no energy
I'm allergic to joy
And afraid to leave the house
Why don't you come and hug me
Your calls are becoming more scarce

I wake up crying at two, at three, at four
And try to go back to sleep
Even for a while
I don't want to feel existence
I want to escape suffering
But I can never leave Vladimir
Tormented, I don't want to go crazy
I've already been crazy
My mood is terrible

She insisted on saying no to her lover
I became obsessed with her kisses even though they're in bad condition
I must confess that I've dreamt of dying
And I see you crying isolated from all those I love
At my funeral, I saw more people than I imagined
I distanced myself from the aborigine
I noticed that they truly had faith in me
But I disappointed, I gave up
I destroyed lungs, liver, and septum
Do you want to know why?
It's precisely because I found no reason for anything
And because even though I had something to fight with, I was always weak

I used to lock myself away
To write to heal
Today I lock myself away because sorrow in private wants to love me
I wish she would leave with someone else
But I know soon I myself
Would ask her to come back
I've lived so much with her
I don't know how to live any other way
Know the saddest thing in the world
This girl is not single

No one knows self-destruction better than I do
I want to forget that episode when that happened
I write to you just so you can hear me
To illuminate my world
With your eyes and that great sparkle

In love with sadness
With sonnets, consonants, and verses
I wanted to kiss princesses
But only cried when I was happy
It was always there
In my thoughts, in my thoughts to weigh

Today, every tear is a kiss
Every kiss a verse
Every verse sees your crying
And every tear is for that
Because the excess of agony
Devours my progress
And amidst so much crying
No one heard my prayers

Every week we drink a bit of death
We talk about how bad everything is
And that we don't have to be strong anymore
She doesn't demand, she's not jealous
She knows that anything distresses me
I think our relationship is going well
When I'm sad, she's sad too
And since I'm never comfortable
We never argue
We fight just enough
We come together when we suffer
But she doesn't know self-destruction like I do
So everything I keep silent and what I don't
Doesn't affect her, she's perfect
She pursues me, I'm her favorite obsession
She gives me ecstasy
And when I cry, it's catharsis
Escaping from sorrow is almost
Being without air, suffocating without
She already is, with her I was born, that's how she made me, her voice and she to me
When taciturn immersed in nocturnal vices
I waited for my turn in a suit to arrive as soon as possible
The eternal winter turned my tender heart
Into a hell I don't want to be
I don't want to see die
My character, I saw another dawn born
Like yesterday's, I suffer for having her
She has me for pleasure
And I want to be alone
That won't be possible