Cuantas Veces

I wander through the night devouring streets
They've washed the sky, I can already dry its walls
Like when at home they vomited words
And then sent me to play outside.

You are not here.
You are not here anymore.

And my friend is saying he loves me well
He has drunk a lot and no longer remembers my name
The windows, blind eyes, already sleep dreaming
Paper windmills and the empty armchair.

I never wanted to be the genius of the class
I never wanted to settle for glasses
I'm afraid of copying myself in a mirror
Discovering that they laugh at me, at my ideas.

Under the worn shoe tread
A newspaper unfolds its news on the floor
Today a big premiere, the movie of the year:
Adventure, sex, and an avalanche of smiles.

How many times I thought of you
In the kitchen chair
How many times I found you
In the glasses I drank
How many times I waited for you
How many times I followed you
How many times I begged you.

And how I shouted on the barber's horse
And my friend stopped, picks up some pebbles
He doesn't go out with girls because he has bad breath
He suffers because he's shy and talks to himself.

I look at my yellow and tired fingers
Throwing away the pieces, the cigarette butts of my life.
I spin, jump, and dance like a trained bear.
How I will shatter that idiotic moon!

How many times I begged you
If you scratched my soul
How many times I looked at you
When you hurt my pupils
How many times I searched for you
How many times I found you
How many times I lost you