¿QUÉ COJONES ME HA PASADO?

What the hell happened to me?
I want to get rid of this knot in my throat
I don't know how to do it but I think I need it
I keep postponing it as if it were my alarm

I don't know where to start, in a fetal position I curl up
I look into my eyes and that sparkle is gone
If you ask me, I pull the thread

What used to fulfill me now doesn't excite me
The days are strange with a tendency to obsession
Overthinking some bad decision
I hardly sleep at all, every night, tradition

Staying up late talking to strangers
Sleeping in someone else's bed to feel more loved
With my heart, I must be more cautious
I can't tell you how many people have lied to me

I want to go home at a decent hour
Without anyone by my side and feel enough
I have a master's degree in intermittent love
They just use me and disappear

It's not my fault
That I don't meet your expectations
That if you were born to be my partner
Love me for my naked soul

It sounds to me like someone said: Beauty is on the inside
And I'm so proud, I say it from the heart
But what the hell is the use of so many millions
If deep down I feel like nobody knows me

Why do I watch movies if I just make them up
This self-love is a long-distance race
If you're like me, don't want to be famous
It doesn't help when they ask you for a photo

It's not me with a camera in front
I think about my complexes that I usually cover up
Insecurity, heats up, you come out
There's no Ctrl+z, guys

I'm afraid of regretting something
That every step is not the right one
If it wasn't like this before, I've asked myself
What happened?

What the hell happened to me?
The money I've spent
The people I've loved
The contracts I've signed

I never did anything for the money
But whoever says they don't accept it is a ghost
I've entered this game alone
With rules I don't understand
And now I'm paying my debt with ego

I've always liked psychology
And I've found problems I didn't know I had
I want what others think to weigh less
And I fail in the attempt without posting anything on Instagram

What's wrong with me?
Because of people who don't go, I go to therapy
I thank them
Because I learn something from every misfortune
Let's see if I monetize some of my dramas

I've traveled the world
Looking for my place as if I were a vagabond
And I finally found myself at the starting point, deep
No way out

I don't know if I've grown
I don't know if I've lost the light
One day I'll write happy bars again
But don't rush me, I'm still healing scars

The passing of the years has never bothered me
It's part of life, we all change
But letting go of the past is hard for me
And I say what the hell

What the hell happened to me
If I've bled profusely
And it's not that it doesn't hurt, I've just gotten used to it
Life goes fast, step on the accelerator
My parents at mass and me at the disco, me, me, me
It's hard for me to say no, no, no
And I fly high like a drone
And I've been burned by the sun

I'm not that bad
I'm not that Disney
I'm a mediocre between a duck and a swan
Those prejudices have imprisoned me
Only mine know that I'm more than that

I've tried things I said I'd never try
I can't forgive myself, depending on the day
I'm an expert in that dead-end loop
I'm great at sabotaging myself

For me, art is much more than a drug
There's no tougher one, I know that for sure
I write until late and make juice with my mind
Every dawn but it's never enough

There are songs that save me
Phrases that kill me
Those that stick for that person
Who was half of my headphones and now

Now I can't even stand her
And it's not that I haven't moved on, I just want her to be okay
And I know that if I get close, she'll mess things up again
For once I can, I'm going to protect myself

What the hell happened to me?
To hell with those who failed me
And it's hard for me to let someone go
Even though I've lost people along the way
It's not in vain, if I feel like I've gained

My family has had better times
My conscience is clear because there are no hard feelings
The usual ones, the best ones
Don't abandon those who treat you well

If my people are worth gold, I'm doing something right
And maybe I'm worth it too
But no one makes me feel like a treasure
And my self-esteem remains low

Like when in school I was always picked last
I wanted to be an orchestra and I ended up acoustic
Maybe that's why I demand too much of myself
Maybe that's why I never finish

I've left so many things unfinished
That notebook, that plate at dinner
Or this song that will never be complete
But in my heart it will be eternal

I guess I do this because I need a reset
But for me, I'm the one who deserves it the most
I don't care if it doesn't play on the radio
It's a letter to those who always listened to me

And even though I've moved more than an earthquake
Deep down, I'm still the same
With a couple more traumas
I've opened myself up

If I'm that boy with a handful of dreams
Why am I crying if I already have some
What the hell happened to me?
(What the hell?)
Life has happened to you
Life has happened to you
Run over from above
And I wasn't ready
That's what happened to me