bei Erika zu Besuch

Lena: Ilse, this coffee is so damn good.
I've tried to get it everywhere.
I went to the Hanse Quarter, they had nothing.
I went to Gourmet Gärber, they didn’t have it either.
Ilse: You know, Lena, I can imagine that,
because I got mine from Gourmet Wörther.
*Laughter erupts*
Pastor's Wife: Gourmet Wörther, that’s a fantastic place.
Ilse: Yeah, and the service is super friendly.
Alfred always packs me an extra 100 grams in the bag.
Pastor's Wife: Mmm, is it...?
Ilse: And I say, 'Alfred, you’re a gem.'
Pastor's Wife: Is it already after, after 4, you guys?
Ilse: Yeah, it’s 10 after 4.
Pastor's Wife: Yeah, because my husband has, my husband has today...
Do you have the open channel here?
Can you get that in?
Ilse: As far as I know, we have all the channels.
Pastor's Wife: Yeah, because my husband has his show today.
Ilse: What? What does your husband have today?
Pastor's Wife: My husband has a SHOW today?
Ilse: What do you mean your husband has a show today?
Why is he on TV?
He’s a pastor.
Pastor's Wife: He saves lost souls.
Ilse: And how’s your daughter?
I just saw her two days ago
in the Gerthof Passage with a young man holding her hand.
Pastor's Wife: He was over at our place recently. But that’s a bad choice, I’m telling you.
I imagined all of this a bit differently.

Buddy: I had my first contact on Sunday at lunch.
Pastor Rheim's vocabulary was limited to his telecasts.
Pastor: Hallelujah, let me save your soul.
Buddy: His dentures were already grinding,
the first bite got stuck in my throat.
The guy was all about discipline and order in his Bible group
and I kept focusing on my onion soup.
After the prayer, I told Erika's stepdad,
that I do hip hop and talk about beats with pleasure.
Pastor: Isn’t that like Genesis and Depeche Mode,
with that devil's music they earn their daily bread.
Buddy: He said...
Pastor: Shame on you.
Buddy: ...and that he knows us rappers
and quoted with a full mouth from the Old Testament.
Pastor: I’ll personally get you training as an altar boy
so you don’t end up on the street as a crack dealer.
Buddy: As I kept chatting with him about God and the world,
the guy invites me to the evangelical camp.
And recommends a year at Martin Luther High School,
saying there’s a confessional in every classroom.
You couldn’t joke about God with him,
one question gives me a huge headache.
"Do you have the open channel here? Can you get that in?"

*TV Skit*

Preacher: Ahh, Amen! God bless you, God bless... another testimony.
Healed: I was addicted to heroin and cocaine and age and LSD.
I’ve only been clean for two years in fits and starts
and in Frankfurt, I became completely free.
Preacher: Hallelujah!