La Recuerdo Asi

I'd rather have the unmade bed than your absence by my side,
better her kisses than your name in my mouth
and I'm spring and fall in less than an hour
while I get to know her, she becomes part of my forgetfulness.

This is a mess, a spiral, a cycle...
this of not having you and looking for you in unknown chests
in a name I don't remember
in a belly I don't return to
it's one more point on the list of failures I keep in the drawer
next to your memory.

I remember her like that
like daylight that dazzles at the threshold
like a dollhouse with everything in its place
with everything ready to start playing
I was so eager to start playing.

I remember her like that
like the promise I made and didn't keep
it doesn't matter this world against me, you have me
but when I needed her, she wasn't there
I missed her so much and she wasn't there anymore.

I remember her like that
she told me not to say anything, to be quiet and I didn't listen
I just wanted a sweet kiss before she left
I didn't want to see her cry at our end
I didn't want to see her cry at this end.

I remember her like that
with a lump in my throat and a desire to lie
and tell myself everything will be fine if you're not here
I'm not the first and you're not the last like this
I'm not the first and you're not the last like this.