Suicidio

Chained to my anguish, I wander aimlessly bordering on the abyss
I turned into glass, transforming my world into a gloomy pit
Every day a new battle is fought in my mind and wears me down more
This empty soul that still can't find peace today

I'm bewildered
I feel overwhelmed
I don't have a reason
To have gotten up

Just keep breathing in vain
Trapped by a great lack of enthusiasm
Desolate by your absence
I'm the prey of this insane love

Full of dismay, there's no reason
To have courage today
In all my heart, there's no perseverance
I only have pain, I go

Straight to death with every step
The effect of this vile failure
Has hit me hard
And I fall slowly into pieces

I can't deal with this, I'm not honest
I'm just afraid of what others might say
I keep working, but I'm falling apart
I live in fear and I've been exposed

I lock myself in my dark room
While I torture myself and see no way out
I swear I can't take it anymore
But I'm unable to take my own life, yeah

I know, life is cruel
I turn into paper
Your memories ignite and tear my skin
I've remained faithful

To that carousel
Of such insane emotions that taste like bile today
And they are a cocktail of cyanide
That slowly poisons me

Mind, soul, and heart
Disintegrating reason
Overwhelmed by fear of the masses
I ignore my pain as it ravages me and steals my happiness

Until the day came when I couldn't bear this pain anymore
I saw my empty bed and the great agony gave me courage
On that morning, I opened the window and prepared to fly
I remembered your gaze, lost in nothingness, wanting to finally be silent

The thoughts that don't let me live
Without the reason for my existence
I don't know where I should flee
The wind on my face watching me falter

In seconds, I know everything will be fine again
It was the only way to stop
The pain that weaves nests throughout my being
But a noise broke my silence

The call of a divine angel
That knock on the door swept away the uncertain misery and changed my destiny
My mother's embrace was what held
All my intrinsic pain and stopped me

She had to cry with me, but that's how she held
The pieces of my soul that were just tubes
Taking me back to the past as if it were a drug
Unable to erase from my mind the memory of that rope

And the crying relieves
My frustration that no longer pleads
For all my self-destruction
The affliction is finally gone

I know, life is cruel
I turn into paper
Your memories ignite and tear my skin
I've remained faithful

To that carousel
Of such insane emotions that taste like bile today
And they are a cocktail of cyanide
That slowly poisons me

Mind, soul, and heart
Disintegrating reason
Overwhelmed by fear of the masses
I ignore my pain as it ravages me and steals my happiness

For the fear of admitting I was wrong
And staying happy in front of society
I didn't ask for help even though I felt terrible
So that no one would judge my weakness

Until I couldn't take it anymore and decided to change
That painful reality and my sorrow
It was hard to ask for help, but I did it anyway
Even knowing I would stumble again

Today
I know very well that you can get out of that deep hell
With
Medication, therapy, and support, I've changed my world
I came out of the depths, I won't hit rock bottom
Because I no longer hide from this pain

Now I understand that I was pretending
And running away in fear of my own love
I know, life is fatal
I turn into metal

So many things that poison our mental health
The social belief
That nothing is wrong
Because you must pretend to smile on Instagram

Suffering is part of life
Don't hide behind a smile
False all your affliction
Listen to your heart
Stop carrying all the weight on your shoulders
You're hurting yourself and your dreams will be in ruins