El Optimista

What sad things life has
Money is not enough even for food
With the situation we are living in
More than one person is going crazy

I went as a transvestite to look for a job
And they rejected me because I am very ugly
I have been looking for work for three years
They send me up and down
I will be willing to do any job
Taking care of piranhas, washing buildings

Killing mosquitoes, chasing rats
Or deactivating landmines
I sew buttons and change light bulbs
I take care of pensioners and make masks

I throw cards, read the tobacco
Dye the hair, shave the armpits
If you want, I can serve as a cat for the car
If you don't have a dog, I bark at night

I chase thieves and carry coffins
I bring reasons and send greetings
I look for a lost one, I watch over the wife
And if you're bored, I'll find you a girl
I wash underwear, apply injections
I take care of the children and put on condoms

I arrange interviews, make up excuses
I stand in line for you, pay the fine
I forge signatures, change fingerprints
And I'm an expert at inflating bottles
I perform exorcisms, scare away demons
And I teach brides for marriage

I carry the child, fix the bottle
I burp, clean up the mess
I change diapers when it smells bad
After bathing, I sunbathe
When you're very sad, I calm your crying
And if you can't, I breastfeed

I serve as a witness in any matter
If you don't have evidence, I'll find the deceased
I act as a clown, contortionist
Tiger tamer or juggler
I'm an expert in love affairs
If you can't get it up, I'll help you

If unfortunately you lack hands
I can serve you as a faithful brother
When you need to use the bathroom
Don't worry, I'll accompany you
If the time comes and you can't do it
I'll take it out and shake it for you

I train fleas, monkeys, and elephants
I train turtles, prepare purgatives
I have the remedy for diarrhea
As long as they pay me, I'll do anything
I throw myself at a car, I jump on a train
I throw myself off the Empire State Building

I offer myself as a guinea pig for an experiment
I lock myself in a cage with a hungry lion
I go to Israel as a Palestinian
Out of necessity, I sell my intestines
And even if the Americans get mad at me
I would go to take care of Osama Bin Laden

I jump tied from a plane
I fight with a shark
For money, I have slept inside a cabin
I have ridden in a hot air balloon, what was missing
Showing my resume as an ambulance
I just need to put it on my cu.... And it's almost there