Exorcismo

Many things are said about exorcisms
But, what really happens behind them? This is my story

In my adolescence a trauma took place in me
After mom and dad died in an accident
I was taken to a new home, now my aunt was going to take care of me
She would never imagine what was about to begin
Never
My whole body started to contort
Scratches, blood, bruises I saw upon waking up
No matter
How much I tried to pretend it was normal
I moved my arms incessantly and unintentionally reached others to
Hit
I suffered anxiety all the time and it made me scream
If I didn't say obscenities, my mind wasn't at peace
Shut up, whore, fuck off, go pray somewhere else
Take that wooden cross and start masturbating
My aunt was a nun and thought the devil was behind
She also believed that science was invented by Satan
That's why she didn't talk to doctors about my mental problem
Instead, she called a priest, as they were going to exorcise me

Oh God, where is God?
When does he plan to expel me from the body I'm in?
Maybe not, your voice repeating a hundred prayers wasn't enough
Maybe he didn't hear you
For blessing those who don't use condoms
Or maybe God and I
Are just a product of your imagination

I was in my bed and the father arrived
With a bible in hand and said a prayer
He took the holy water and then wet me
And I spat in his face because it bothered me
That's what you get, asshole, I don't even believe in God
Much less in demons living inside me
If I hear your voice again, I bet it will be worse
I don't need prayers, I need a doctor
He approached me and hit me, then tied my hands
The ritual continued day after day and that only made it worse
He forced me to fast, dehydrated me as well
He never tended to my wounds and that infected them
Why are they treating me like a kidnapped person?
They're torturing me, sons of bitches, and I'm the bad one
I don't see their magic working on me
My health worsens and now I'm angrier, be careful

Oh God, where is God?
When does he plan to expel me from the body I'm in?
Maybe not, your voice repeating a hundred prayers wasn't enough
Maybe he didn't hear you
For blessing those who don't use condoms
Or maybe God and I
Are just a product of your imagination

Every night when the moon rose
The father told my aunt he would go to his house
And at that moment when no one saw me
I would finally untie the ropes from my wrists
Who would say?
That when the father left I would follow him
Like a stealthy shadow I would stalk from a distance
I had a fantasy stored in my mind
And that night was the night I would finally fulfill it
Hey, father, I couldn't rest
And I can't sleep if I don't hear you pray
Why are you so serious, have you seen Satan?
Or is it because of the knife that now makes you bleed?
Ask God to come and save you
Come on, start praying or he won't hear you
Maybe I should shout, let me help
If there's a God, stop me from killing

Oh God, where is God?
When does he plan to expel me from the body I'm in?
Maybe not, your voice repeating a hundred prayers wasn't enough
Maybe he didn't hear you
For blessing those who don't use condoms
Or maybe God and I
Are just a product of your imagination

After the night I killed that father
I was put on trial and saved from jail
I was declared not guilty and admitted to a psychiatric hospital
They said I had a syndrome; Tourette's syndrome
That's why the complex tics I used to have
Like bending my whole body, hitting and biting
And the bruises on my body didn't come from hell
But I was self-harming all the time
They told me I had coprolalia
And that made me say obscenities all the time
I couldn't control them
But with medication... I don't suffer like I used to
Years have passed and they say I'm fine now
That's why they're going to set me free again
Everyone thinks I regret the crime I committed
But I'll tell you a secret: I wish I could do it again
Oh God, where is God?
When does he plan to expel me from the body I'm in?
Maybe not, your voice repeating a hundred prayers wasn't enough
Maybe he didn't hear you
For blessing those who don't use condoms
Or maybe God and I
Are just a product of your imagination