Lo intento

Staring at a blank page
my soul is in a struggle.
I rush to find some peace,
tired of dodging in bad ways.
I know I shouldn’t have, but I built walls around my heart.

I fall and can’t get back up, I swear,
I try to walk stronger and face the hardest parts.
A smile doesn’t last long,
today sadness has me beat,
I’m closing my eyes to see what happens next.

It hurts, because I have no more tears to cry,
there’s no heavier weight than learning to love.

Love that killed me, love that gave me life,
eternal love that just keeps reopening wounds,
love for my people, love for the R A P,
love that closes off exits and at the same time gives me escape,
and I sell it, I sell my heart in pieces,
I sell the truth of a world that’s not so pretty.

I vomit all the hate that lives in my body,
even though my vital organ keeps beating, it’s dead.
I’ve given so much that I’m left with nothing,
I swear I tried but I never believed in fairytales,
dreams don’t exist, there’s no absolute truth.
You have to suffer in this fucked-up life
I seek revenge.