I'd Rather Overdose (feat. Mod Sun)

HONESTAV's song 'I'd Rather Overdose (feat. Mod Sun)' delves deep into the tumultuous relationship between love and addiction. The lyrics paint a vivid picture of a person caught in the throes of substance abuse, unable to let go of their partner despite the destructive nature of their habits. The repeated refrain, 'I can't let you go, I try, but I always know,' underscores the internal conflict and the sense of inevitability that the protagonist feels. This struggle is further highlighted by the line, 'Can't be without you, I'd rather overdose,' which starkly illustrates the depth of their dependency, not just on drugs but also on their partner.

The song also touches on the devastating effects of addiction on personal relationships. The verse, 'If only you loved me like you love getting high,' poignantly captures the feeling of being secondary to a partner's addiction. The lyrics reveal a life marred by loss and disappointment, with references to a deceased father, a proud mother, and friends stuck in their hometown. The protagonist's sense of failure is palpable, as they grapple with their inability to be the 'hero' they are expected to be. This is further compounded by their self-loathing and the guilt they feel for the pain they've caused their loved ones.

However, the song also offers a glimmer of hope and redemption. The narrative takes a turn with the mention of a near-fatal overdose on May 11th, 2019, which serves as a wake-up call for the protagonist. The line, 'Been sober five years since the day I almost died,' signifies a journey towards recovery and self-love. This transformation is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the possibility of finding a way out of the darkness. Despite the haunting memories and the lingering desire for their partner, the protagonist's story is ultimately one of survival and self-acceptance.