Freestyle (Desahogo)

I just want to vent my feelings
I know I've been enduring all this for many years
And I've been enduring it for Christ, my sustenance
If he weren't here, I wouldn't even exist, of course

There are so many questions playing with my intellect
If I knew your gospel through the death of my grandfather
I know I haven't cried for that for so many years
God, allow me to shed tears to let out everything I'm feeling

Forgive me, mom, for all my mistakes
Because my behavior wasn't the best
Sorry, dad, for not being so obedient
Forgive me for valuing you now that you're absent

And I know they haven't left this world yet
But I wish for a hug from them for just a second
It's hard to endure so much suffering
In solitude; I want to be close, I don't want to be far

I want to be close, I don't want to be far
No, I don't want to be far, no

God, I want to ask for forgiveness for my behavior
I haven't been the best believer of this time
But you know I still stand, I keep fighting
I am nobody, and without you, I feel like I'm dying

I want to ask for forgiveness for these questions
My grandfather used to say that I would go over his dead body
And in a few days, he died, and that's how I could meet you
Tell me, why do I have to lose so many people who have come into my life?

Friends have been there and suddenly they have drifted away
And in the same way, loves that have left my side
If I have always been the problem, let me change it
Because I see that time passes and I'm left alone
I'm left alone, alone

If this is what you have predestined for me
Then help me understand and accept it
I don't want to keep sinking against your waves
But if not, you are preparing something for me

I ask you to give me the strength you have always given me
To face every circumstance by your side
I don't want to cling to the past, if you have taken me from there
If it depended on that, today I wouldn't be your soldier

Forgive me, oh God, if with my venting I offended your love
But since I can't cry in front of anything, that's why I wrote it
You know, Lord, everything that's inside me
If you hadn't transformed me, I would have denied you