Offline

Crazy motherfucker named Joost Klein
I got bullied on the playground, now I’ve got a headache (ow!)
I was thirteen but not just another face in the crowd
A few years back, my glasses were streamlined
I had a closed curtain by my window
I’d be pissed too without my co-sign
And they ask me: Joost Klein
How the hell can you be so tall?

I’m in East Berlin, sipping my red wine
My shrink told me: You’ve got borderline
Those words hurt
Like the spikes of a porcupine
But still, I’m fresh, just like Robijn
You’re a bully, no you can’t be like that
Check my website, this is my domain
But after twenty years online, I’d rather be offline

I’d rather be offline, I’d rather be offline (yeah)
I, I’d rather be offline, I’d rather be offline
I, I’d rather be offline, I’d rather be offline
I’d rather be offline, I’d rather be offline

I got kicked, I got hit
But the bully called it teasing, so I couldn’t complain
My teacher said: You can ask me anything, there are no dumb questions
So I asked: Where’s my dad?
Ten years later, I’m dripping without leaks
My record is clean, just like Page toilet paper
I went through all kinds of phases, I listen to André Hazes
I pass the review and I pass the passage

My brain’s a crazy salad
My life’s a quiz, you can’t guess the answer
Just like Kud, I got the green and the purple
They called me daddy, but I’m no Kraantje
I’ve been waiting for years and months
But I stand tall like my applause
I love drawing on fogged-up windows
She wants my C-O-C-K just like Baantjer, what?

I’d rather be offline, I’d rather be offline
I, I’d rather be offline, I’d rather be offline (ah, yeah)
I’d rather be offline, I’d rather be offline
I, I’d rather be offline, I’d rather be offline

I feel like Kooten and de Bie
Bitch, I want some nuts with my brie
Joost Klein and the Tantu of the Beats
That’s a beautiful symphony
I feel like Kooten and de Bie
Bitch, I want some nuts with my brie
Joost Klein and the Tantu of the Beats
That’s a beautiful symphony