La Linea D'ombra

The shadow line
The fog that I see in front of me
For the first time in my life I find myself
Knowing what I leave behind and not being able to imagine what I find
They offer me a responsibility
To steer this ship towards a route that no one knows
It's my age up in the air
In this condition of precarious stability
Hypnotized by the blades of a ceiling fan
I toss and turn on my bed
I move heavily in this damp room
Of a port whose name I don't remember
The coffee grounds confuse the where and the how
And for the first time I know what nostalgia is, emotion
In my luggage dirty clothes from navigation
For every tear a port, for every port a song in my head
It's sweet to be at sea when others are in charge
Without worry
Just do what needs to be done
And rocked by the night wave dream of mom, the sea

They offer me a responsibility
They told me a ship needs a captain
They told me the pay is interesting
And the cargo is secret and important
The thought of responsibility has grown
It's like having to jump over a ditch
That separates me from carefree times of a past that's gone
Jumping towards the indefinite time of being an adult
In front of me the fog hides the answer to my fear
What will I be? Where will my nature lead me?
My father's face takes shape in the mirror
He young, me old
His words echoing in my ear
Life is not easy, it takes sacrifice
One day you'll realize and tell me if I'm right
The day comes when a decision must be made
And now is that monsoon day
With the wind that has no direction
Looking at the sky, a sense of oppression

But it's my age
Where you look as you were
And you don't know where you're going, what you'll be
What responsibilities you have towards the humans living beside you
And through this glass I see the world as a chessboard
Where every move I make can change the whole game
And I'm afraid of being eaten and I'm afraid of eating
I get lost in readings, Zen books and the gospel
Astrology telling me about the sky
I float in search of a self to converse with
But this shadow line doesn't let me meet it
They offer me a responsibility
I don't know what courage is, whether to leave everything behind
Whether to choose escape or face this reality hard to interpret
But beautiful to explore
Trying to imagine how I'll be when I've crossed the sea
Delivered this important cargo to its destination
Where I'll be safe from the next monsoon
They offer me a responsibility
Tomorrow I'll go down to the port and tell them I'm ready to depart
I'll throw the luggage into the sea, study the charts
And wait to know where and when we set sail
And when the monsoon passes I'll say: Weigh anchor
Straight ahead full speed, this is the route, this is the direction
This is the decision