Araz

"I'm alone because you're here"

"If you said 'come,' I would have come"
I was stuck in the distance you left
I fell from a betrayal like a mountain
This is my last visit to myself

I'm spitting out deathly kisses into my pockets
I catch myself in the act
And the namelessness of my urban emptiness
I rhyme with Araz
I'm weaving dreams of you into my eyes
My wet wrists are lying in a blood festival
The biggest threat to me is still me

Then I lean against a bus stop
Then against a city
And you leave
I'm bleeding
They say; don't listen to yourself, you’re not saying anything.
But if you said 'come,' I would have come, you know

A little stubbornness towards the tired Golden Horn
I'm leaving a bit of betrayal behind
I’m grasping a nervousness, a threat from your hands
You come to my mind
I’m falling
Falling into thought
I’m shivering
I’m migrating to blindness with wild sorrows
I don’t know what time it is for separation
I’m in nothingness with my lies
Run away from me

In this city, every rain cries for itself
If you came to my mind, I become loneliness
You haven’t kissed the sleep in my mouth for ages
Where are you, who are you freezing?
I’m now a fire that burns you
We can’t dream of each other anymore
Now I’m leaning against empty stops
Empty cities
But if you said 'come,' I would have come

In my dreams of the day, when I return
Your gaze drinks me from my eyes
I’m dropping my body at the beautiful stops
I’m reaching for your distance
The autumn you love passes over me
But now you don’t drink any sky from my lips
I’m collapsing into songs
"No one knows"
Loneliness was my friend
Now it becomes my fear
But if you said 'come,' I would have come

Now everything turns into a motionless night
The remnants of autumn play in my hair, your absence
My eyes fall victim to the darkest sides of me
As I lose myself, I’m going to you
In my belly button, I’m putting darkness to sleep
I’m left to the mercy of a snitching old man, a dream seller
I’m buying tame loneliness
Paying with my smile
And I carry a false killer inside me
I’m accumulating new shames for my old sins
I’m going to the hell of leprous souls
Don’t clean my dirty words
But if you said 'come,' I would have come

My eyes carry the news of betrayal
Whispering a suspicious murder to your eyebrows
You should load your words into the barrel now
You should shoot me from my most wounded side
Because flying is to risk falling

I’m trying the rarely used suicides I left in your yard
Whenever I set out from your nicotine hands
My eyes bleed from silence
You think something got in your eye
But you should know, my Araz
No one’s insides are visible
And what you can’t find
You can never lose
Look now, silence stays between us
All the words to be said

Every morning you become evening
You’re dripping from your forehead to your hands
You’re coming down to the city with the rain on your face
You’re becoming a trouble for the city
Outside, it rains
Crystal cities are breaking apart in your heart
Your walls are coughing blood
And you
Are learning not to search for others' eyes
You lean me against a stop
You lean me against a city
You’re leaving
But if you said 'come,' I would have come

Silence is the most stubborn part of loneliness
What was it like to be silent
While you were listening the most
I know, my Araz
A person shouldn’t find themselves, they should always search
So I’m starting from where you left
Taking my night madness with me

Those who don’t know how to look at the sea
Will surely drown one day
That’s why I escape from your eyes
Have you ever made a foreign land
From a single strand of your hair?

I’m now a foreigner
I carry it inside me
Even if it’s wasted for years
But if you said 'come,' I would have come

I’m always stuck on the left keys I dropped from my life
And life’s loaded trucks pass over me
They say poets are dead
I don’t believe it

I was wearing my darkest jacket
I was blind to the light
Now I’m moving towards the sun
To revive

The identity of an old anarchist is rusting
I’m ashamed of the blind eye of the night
Come on, attack me with the most militant words
Sink your sentences into me
Leave a futile horror
I deserve it

A scorpion about to die from secrecy is creeping inside me
I’m dying from loss of life
I’ll pray at my funeral
I’m under suspicion
I believe my lie

Tired rumors bleed from my pale wounds
I don’t know if my grudge will break
My grudge is against myself
My silence is for you
I’m at odds with the whole world

Let my betrayal remain
"If you said 'come,' I would have come"

Again a train passes through me
You cut me off from the response of my smile
Your hair carries the story of a wind
I can’t see, you don’t say, I’m breaking
The flesh of my nothingness is being stripped in a schizophrenic night
I’m pulling a story out of my mouth for you
Adorn me, oh love
I’m kissing the places you’ve passed

I’m carrying the ashes of a half-burned love
The taste of nicotine in your teeth is in my tongue
Drinking sirens and fire lines
I’m creating your voice from myself and my city
I’m finding my wet pockets by touch
I’m illegal
Arrest me from my eyes

My pen is out of ink, it lost its poetry
The squid in my blood is dead
The fog on my left committed suicide
How much could a broken heart multiply a love?
It’s too late to live
But too early to die

A symphony with too many drums is stumbling
It doesn’t hold in my separation
I’m hanging the night on a gallows made of your eyelashes
You’re absent
These rains don’t wet me
I’m leaning against a stop without you
I’m tearing from the quietest letter of your departure
"If you said 'come,' I would have come"

Burgundy seas are pouring from my ears
Now everyone is a bit of you, a bit of pain
A wagon in my chest
Secret words are sinking
Storms are rising over me

On my temple
A novice poet’s suicide
Rehearsals of madness
From the doors howling behind you
I’m tearing your scent away
I’m smelling your absence
I’m erasing your absence

Open my eyes from you, come on
Burn my gaze in your solitude
My love for your eyes is a guard
Let me not remain from yesterday and you

Every drop that falls into you
Thinks it’s discovering you
But you
Are so yourself that you could make even angels jealous
And you want to hurt yourself
But roses can’t hurt themselves
Don’t you know
Are you saying 'come'?

Everyone looks at what they see
So who do you sail to in the wind of life?
We can’t stay still for a moment in a love
Come on, let’s be silent from the place we bleed the most
"If you said 'come,' I would have come
You said 'go' and you left

To love...
To the wind...
To separation...
To time...

Goodbye...