O Analista de Bagé

I say good day and spread myself
And I already pull out the knife
Not every woman is a cow
But every cow is a woman
I've always been alone at the foot
I don't need company
I introduce myself:
Analyst from Bagé

I'm a native of the border
Baptized in a stream
Kid raised in the bush
Champion of cow dung wars
Of card games and backstroke swimming
I've corralled many a mare
But nowadays I've eased up
That's something for those who like it

Freudian barbarity
I'm a doctor in kneeing
Crazy ones are cured with a lasso
I slap the wild horse
Or while mate-drinking, and so on
After the mate enlightens
The idea and the urine
And the animal speaks up

Lindaura, the receptionist
Is wheat and if I'm not mistaken
She only gives once a year
But when she comes, I go crazy
The old lady is a handful
Besides, it's for free
That good-looking girl
Isn't one to give to pigs

Of the stories that come to me
The Oedipus ones are the most annoying
They stick like ticks
To the comadres, just like that
Don't mess around, boy!
Your mother is already down and out
Go mess around in the red-light district
And leave that old lady alone

A flirtatious girl
But top-notch
She came to me all flirty
She had uterine fury
But man, what a mess!
I threw her to the pelego
And calmed the sheep
As the script goes

There are no gay Gauchos
And there never have been in history
They are migratory currents
That came like a whirlwind
Or, well, someone allowed it
While God was napping
Or maybe it's because the quota for Rio was already filled

And I'm leaving slowly
Heading towards home
When I speak, I turn into fire
I'm a bit rough
The vein in my neck jumps
And let God's will be done
I'm content, I'll go on foot
Calm as water in a well