Du Nich

I can hold my breath underwater for two minutes, you can't
I found a dinosaur footprint on the beach, you can't
I painted all the walls at home first black then green, you can't
I have over 300 passwords and phone numbers memorized ‒ you can't

I secretly built a zip line to the house across the street, you can't
I have a parakeet that says "company's here" when guests arrive, you can't
I have magnetic piercings that always point north, you can't
I have a genuine original Rolls Royce hood ornament at the golf course ‒ you can't

I yes, you no ‒ I big, you small
I strong, you weak ‒ I awesome, you lame
I wild, you tame ‒ I quick, you slow
I yes, you no ‒ I penthouse, you toilet

I figured out all the harmonies of Kiss all by myself, you can't
I found 44 bucks on the street a week ago, you can't
I can ride my bike faster than you can ... uh ... you can't
I'm a direct descendant of Leonardo da Vinci's chef ‒ you can't
I'm the fourth-best cherry pit spitter from Köpenick, you can't
I have a video of Star Trek 7 with director's commentary, you can't
I know someone who knows someone who knew Napoleon, you can't
I can determine the time of death of a water corpse by taste ‒ you can't

I yes, you no ‒ I start, you stop
I top, you flop ‒ I high, you low
I straight, you crooked ‒ I rich, you poor
I hot, you just warm

I yes, you no ‒ I stallion, you pig
I cigar ‒ you cigarette
I boots ‒ you sandals

I here, you gone ‒ I muscles, you fat
I hard, you soft ‒ I colorful, you pale
I win, you lose ‒ I apple, you mush
I right, you wrong ‒ I king, you kong

I dance, you limp ‒ I smell good, you stink
I stride, you hobble ‒ I have friends, you just buddies