worsten

Don’t let anyone tell me
That life is a drag
Whoever says that
Is totally off track
Life’s a party, man
A source of joy and cheer
Happiness is within reach
For all creatures here
Fate has a gift for you
A beautiful surprise in store
If you just stay patient
And wait a little more

So there I was on a Monday
Driving through some hole
I stopped at a bar
Exhausted and feeling old
With a tongue dry as leather
And a suppressed yawn
I step into the heat
Of Café de Vlaamse Leeuw
Just as I’m about to dive
Into the beer in front of me
I hear my phone ringing
In my pocket, oh jeez

I’ve got my wife on the line
Calling me from home
Because a truck full of sausages
Is waiting by our dome
I say, "A truck full of sausages?
Please, just go away!"
She says, "A truck full of sausages
Is exactly what I say.
White sausages, brown sausages,
Sausages everywhere
Roughly estimated
A hundred thousand there"

You gotta know, I’m a butcher,
So it’s not that bizarre
That my wife sometimes bugs me
With such a silly sausage tale
But I’ve never ordered
That many brown sausages
I deal in white sausage, not brown
I wouldn’t pay a dime
Send those brown sausages back
My fridge is already full
And there’s one iron rule for fridges:
Full is full

My wife cracks: "Didn’t get it
Connection’s really bad"
So I repeat a bit louder
What I just said
About loving white sausages
Brown sausages? No way
About the fridge being full
I’m explicit, I say
My wife asks why I suddenly
Start talking about breasts
Because right now she doesn’t see
The humor in that mess

I shout: "Sausages, not breasts!"
And I’m at my wit’s end
I walk to the center
Where an empty table stands
I climb up on the furniture
It’s sturdy, made of oak
I raise my hand like an antenna
Searching for a signal, no joke
My patience is really running thin
I’m losing my cool
I shout loud into the phone:
"All brown ones back
Full is full!!!"

In Café de Vlaamse Leeuw
It goes deathly quiet
Mouths drop open
And a guy with glasses
Mumbles: "Well said, kid
Absolutely, indeed.
Finally a leader
Who says it like it is"
And then a hesitant applause
That slowly builds up
Before the whole bar starts stomping
And cheering non-stop

Hoisted on shoulders
I’m parading to the square
Where a crowd is waiting
Till I finally appear
The crowd chants
My name with all their might
Beautiful women hanging, screaming
From an open window
I see flags, I see streamers
And it’s all for me
In their eyes, it reads
"The savior is near"

On a stage, I’m lifted
I read out loud
What’s written on a banner
Into the microphone
The crowd chants
Slogans, all diverse
Newspapers, TV
The whole Flemish press
Hangs drooling on my lips
Ready day and night
To report on every
Fart that I might

Someone grabs my arm
And opens a door
To a fancy car
With a private chauffeur
He drives me to a seat
In the parliament
A fat salary
That’s normal, that’s evident
Respect from my colleagues
Credibility galore
Even if I’m just babbling nonsense
Like a chicken with no score!