Volver

I look in the mirror and see a dead man, a gloomy being
Who fakes a smile that I don't return
Determined to live off memories
Because I pawned my life to please and ended up exposed

To the opinion of the stranger
I gave a value that has never been granted
And the people around me became shadows
They started crying while I dug my own grave

And I stopped eating, drinking, dreaming
I mortgaged my life to convince others
To shape a body that was barely functional
To silence my desires and never knew how to react

Irrational, irritable, unbearable
No wonder no one talks to me if I don't even want to listen to myself
My partner put all her effort into saving me
And my sick mind wanted to blame her

Enough! I don't want to wake up!
Why? To drag my body to the couch
It's been months since I slept, months since I bit
Months since I didn't die out of fear of silence

Because I can only cry inside
I always pretend to be happy outside
Because this world demands perfection
And in this industry, being sick is not profitable

But look into my eyes
They're screaming, begging for a chance
Pleading that it's not my time
To ignore when my mouth begs for the end

I don't want Prozac, nor Diazepam
That shut down my brain and don't calm the anxiety
And make me consider this battle lost
That's why the kiss of the night tastes like goodbye

It tastes like goodbye
But no, I don't want to say goodbye anymore
I want to return to find myself, to know myself
I want to return

But today in the mirror I recognize myself
I recognize the complexes, I see in my face
The demons, ghosts, doubts
But also knowing when to ask for help

The obsession with having control
Made me a slave to the clock, I panicked at any mistake
I need some chaos and improvisation
Defend our joy and imperfection

To live in the present with my head held high
To love myself again
To rediscover who I was
To remember that I knew how to be happy

But no, boy, there are no magic formulas
This is a path of noise and tears
But I learned to live with the pain
And accepting that I'm broken was a liberation

At night I say goodbye
I don't know if I'll wake up
And in the mirror my ex-friend
Looks at me sorrowfully
Asks: Toni, where are you?

It's not just the weight I've lost
It's the weight of the spirit that has diminished
And in the mirror my ex-friend
Looks at me confused
Asks: Toni, where are you?

At night I say goodbye
I don't know if I'll wake up
And in the mirror my ex-friend
Looks at me sorrowfully
Asks: Toni, where are you?

It's not just the time I've lost
It's all the pain I left along the way

I want to return to fly
I want to erase the mistake
I want to dream again

I want to be myself again
I want to be myself again
I want to be myself again