Entender

Sometimes it's the pain
That makes you feel alive
When you lose control
And can only scream
And even though I know there's more inside
I just want to disconnect and stop crying
Sometimes I feel so empty
While being full of nothing

Having it all and still not finding what I was looking for
Tired of soaking the pillow
And pretending I'm better when waking up from a bad
In the mornings
Call me crazy but it's what I feel
Inside there are hundreds of fragments
Hundreds wandering in my thoughts and even though I try
I don't understand and tend to daydream
And think while sleeping

Sometimes I wish I could rip out my heart
Because I know it would hurt less than beating
And even if I want to believe in reason, I know it's lying
Because as much as she thinks worse, I'm feeling it
And it's illogical, it seems like I'm losing my mind
I seek happiness while writing this sadness
But I always preferred the taste of a tear
Than lying to my heartbeats and not being able to turn the page
Sometimes it's the pain

That makes you feel alive
When you lose control
And can only scream
And even though I know there's more inside
I just want to disconnect and stop crying
Sometimes I feel tired of being tired
Of being a slave to this life that I still don't know what it consists of
And I'll tell you a joke, we all live worried about a past
That's gone and a future that doesn't exist yet
And I can't stop spinning and spinning and spinning

I'm so dizzy, vomiting dead wounds
But I'm one of those people who learns from the storm
And writes with blood what they feel in their notebook
Sometimes I'm just a poet at his desk
Who eats what's inside and leaves the packaging intact
When I write, I'm taking off those negative clothes
And I've learned that nudity can be well-dressed
Those cold caresses burn me so much

And sometimes the heat of a stranger's hug freezes me
It pisses me off to cry with joy
But having to smile falsely for fear of hurting each other
I miss being a child and dreaming of being able to fly
Even with a fear of heights, to jump without thinking
Never doubt myself again, nor fear growing old
And stop seeing you when I look in the mirror
I don't want to be the reflection of this rotten society
Where those who drowned you in life cry for your death
I refuse to let a blind person
Give me lessons on how to fit in this puzzle
That I never managed to understand why
Sometimes it's the pain

That makes you feel alive
When you lose control
And can only scream
And even though I know there's more inside
I just want to disconnect and stop crying
And even if sometimes you're alone even if you're surrounded by people
It's okay not to be okay and that will make you stronger
I managed to find myself when I was most lost
And it was on the brink of death when I could appreciate what really
It means to be alive